A few weeks ago I was asked some questions about myself. They were supposedly simple things: list your favorite hobbies and interests, some of your favorite drinks and snacks, personality type, etc. On the surface they were no-brainers.
But after I wrote my typical answers, I started thinking about how automatically I had written them and how, if I really thought about it, I haven't really done or had nearly half of the things in a long time what I wrote on that survey. Bake? I've baked once since moving to Rochester, and who knows the last time I baked before that. Gilmore Girls? The second season has been in my possession for the past year or two, and I'm beginning to wonder if I wouldn't really miss it if I gave it back to my sister. I only really sing when we're supposed to in church (if even then), and I think I've played with my guitar and sang for fun about as many times as I've baked since moving to Rochester. I get sad when I find opportunities like open mics and contests to enter in the Rochester area because I'd sign up in a heartbeat if I hadn't been on this accidental hiatus and wasn't so afraid of embarrassing myself for performing when I haven't practiced.
It seems as though I've fallen back into this weird in-flux season in my life. It's the season I guess most of my generation continues to sift and swing back and forth through: the search for who I am. It can a be a little frustrating to admit that that's where I am, considering I thought I knew who I was and now I have to learn about myself again and can't just declare truths about myself when they very well could have changed over these past couple of years. At the same time it makes sense, considering how I've been out of my parents' house for a number of years and have been out of college for a couple of years as well. Oh, and you know, how I've gotten married and such. That always changes people (or should, at least).
Ever since I've begun to realize that this is the stage of life I have returned to (or maybe I've never left?), I've already begun to accept it and embrace it. It's brought new life to new dreams and ideas, and the process of just thinking about possibilities is exciting.
Of course, I love lists, but the problem with writing them out is that I have so many ideas that the organization of those ideas would be very difficult. So I've started a word document for all of my personal life ideas, to give ample space for saving and organizing my word vomit of thoughts. I have a section for hobbies I want to continue developing and ways I could put them into practice, as well as new hobbies I may want to pursue and ideas for how I could do that as well. I have a section for my personal relationships and how I can be intentional and creative with developing those near and far. And I have an interests section that lists fun things I want to learn more about (e.g., photography, art & art history, figure skating) and things that I'm not super interested in at face value but want to learn about because I feel like I need to and want to grow in my knowledge and understanding of the world (e.g., politics, geography, sports). It also gives me the space to list out whatever resources (especially creative ones) I come across.
It would be very tempting, as I have begun to adjust to being married (though I'm sure I have much to adjust to for the rest of my life, of course) and to life in Rochester, to reach a level of contentment and inevitably grow comfortable and complacent. But I'm praying that God would continue to develop my desire to learn - about Him, His world, and myself.
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