i decided to blog before i went to sleep.
well, today was the official first day back at school. it was a rainy/gloomy/dreary-weathered one, which was something i don't like waking up to in the morning, but it turned out to be one of the best rainy-ish days :]
i woke up early as usual to get some work done, and then just as i'm about to leave for class i check my email and discover that my creative writing class was cancelled! and i didn't have sociology today, too, which meant i only needed to go to my 3:30-4:55 class :] and we watched a film in that class so it wasn't so bad.
well, when i discovered i didn't have class, i quickly called my wonderful michelle, told her the good news, and asked if she ate lunch already. and she did not (yay!) so we went to DICKINSON dining hall (double yay!) and LOVED the semi-re-modeling that was done. AND they had giant chocolate chip cookies today! those are me and michelle's favorite :] ahh dickinson.
anyway, so i had a lovely lunch with michelle, hung out with her afterwards in her room until i had to go to class which i was hoping would be cancelled but was not (but that's okay).
oh how i've missed my michelle.
so, that was my day pretty much. i'm uber tired.
mm...you know what i could really use right now? a guitar. i have to figure out how to get the money for one...sigh. or at least, a recording program. which is also like, hundreds of dollars. boy. i just have to figure out something else for now. i can't even record using my webcam! the videos take up too much space! argh. hopefully my daddy will help me figure something out. i miss him already and i just saw him yesterday.
and i can't believe i forgot my boots and my phone charger and my pencil case at home. i can't ever pack just the night before anymore. i think i'll need three days in advanced at least. i don't care who calls me crazy. it's the only way i'm going to make sure i make a list and list everything i need to pack.
i realize i have a lot of work to do for school. i'm still in spring break mode though. i have to force myself to work! God, i'm definitely gonna need Your devine power on this one...
i haven't gotten a chance to work on my latest short story. let alone my novel. my poor, neglected novel. i need to write more, guys. this isn't good.
wow i just rambled a lot about the most random things. oh well. that's a spaghetti-brain for yah.
okay let's see if i can squeeze in a little bit more work and a smidge of novel-writing before i go to sleep tonight.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
a great start for spring break :D
these past few days have been pretty awesome.
i stayed over at josh's place with a bunch of people and we had fun playing balderdash all the way up until 3:30 am, with me falling asleep later than that because steve's feet spaz occassionally, and he snores sometimes, and eddie's hamster is nocturnal apparently and likes to run around in her cage at the wee hours of the morning.
then of course we all depart, and i stay awake with josh for the whole ride again (it's just what i do now), and it was interesting having steve join our little party. we dropped him off @ his mom's place in white plains, and then crossed back over the river to drop off michelle (whom i did NOT want to depart from) and then had perfect timing reaching josh's house just as my dad pulled in to pick us up.
auntie yan (josh's mom) is the bestest godmother anyone could have. as soon as she saw me she said, "i didn't even know you were coming, but you must've smelled it," and of course i have NO idea what she's talking about, until she brings me to the kitchen, pulls out a shop rite fresh bake shop bag and puts two pistachio muffins in there and hands it to me. she always gets them for me because she knows i love them :P oh man she rocks.
it was so nice to come home.
and today, our family had to go to a couple of cemeteries for ching-ming, which made me zombie-like on the car rides, but it wasn't too bad. we ate dim sum with grandma in elmhurst @ east buffet which was really yummy because i really really missed eating siu-mai! sighhh. so good.
then dad dropped pam and me off in flushing where we saw brendon crossing the street. pam called him and pretended we got snowed in and just got home this morning. that was pretty funny. we went to get our hair cut, but it was pretty full so we had to wait a bit. but it wasn't too bad.
i was REALLY excited to get my hair cut. like really really. i love my hair, but the front was really bothering me. it just wasn't what i wanted. so pretty much i look the same, except my bangs are a little shorter. my hair wasn't even layered as much as i'd like, but i was really really happy with my hair. so basically i got a trim. i thought it was going to be a more drastic change, but this is good. i didn't really want a drastic change, especially a bad one.
oh, okay, so i was a little worried because you know the day you get your hair cut it's NEVER the same after you get home and wash it and whatever, but i really enjoyed it while it lasted. i didn't HAVE to wash it because technically it was washed, BUT i did something so out of character today that forced me to...
i went running.
i KNOW. big shocker, right? me, the person who absolutely despises running, did it today. and not just for five minutes. i KNOW. jeez. but wait, let's back up.
after pam & i got our hair cuts, libby met us in flushing, and so did dan, and the four of us went to sago to get some drinks and a snack to hang out. it was really fun, i'm glad we did it. then we were talking about my short stories and this aloe vera drink that dan said was really good, so we decided to spontaneously buy a bottle of aloe vera, bring it back to our house, and have a short story reading. i only got to read one of my stories because dan had to get home for dinner, but it was still fun.
okay, now after dan took libby home, pam said she was going to go running for ten or fifteen minutes, then we could watch an episode of wildfire if we had time before dinner. now of course, pam does this often and it's obvious that i loathe running so much, so why would she ask me if i wanted to go too? so as i was settling onto the couch with my laptop until i started thinking about what i was going to do now. umm...nothing. and then i was like, man alive i haven't exercised in so long. and that football game on thursday really made me sore - thus reminding me that i was extremely out of shape. so i was sitting there, and then suddenly i got up and told pam i wanted to go with her.
of course, she was in utter shock but welcomed me to join her. and of course, i don't have running shoes, so i had to wear my suede champion ones, but whatever. we had a good run. we talked as we ran, which kept my mind off of the actual running, and then when we stopped running, we realized we had run for 30 minutes! CRAZY. i've never run for that long in my entire life.
but it was a good run. pam and i had a good talk. we talked through everything that was going on in our lives and between us, and i think things are smoothed over for real now. it was nice :]
i think i might actually not mind running now -- but only with pam :P
and thus, because i went running, i had to take a shower and mess up my poor lovely hair. it was the moment of truth. i knew it had to come sooner or later. so i did, and when i air-dried it (as i normally do - i try to avoid blow-drying as much as possible because it really damages hair), my bangs came out all puffy and fluffy, and my hair was frizzy and a little wavy and totally disappointing...
but, now comes to the reason why i'm blogging at this moment in the first place: i plugged in my straightener and am waiting for it to heat up to try and save my beloved hair.
so as i wait, i'll talk about a few random things:
i totally should've brought my black flats home from school. i left them there and took my beige slip-ons instead because i thought i wouldn't need them and i didn't feel like squishing stuff into my bag, so i left them at school. boy do i regret that. i realize that tomorrow is easter and i totally would love to wear a skirt, but now i don't have shoes to wear :[ my beige shoes aren't dressy enough, so it would look funny. AND, in addition to that, i can't find my open-toe strappy shoes to wear instead, so i don't know what i'm going to do! i know it sounds silly, but i really like to dress up, especially for easter, for God, even though the rest of my church doesn't really follow suit sometimes. i don't mind being different. i don't do it for other people. but if i don't have shoes, then it's not going to work.
sigh. i'll try looking for my strappy shoes again and if i don't, i'll have to make my beige shoes work somehow -_-
well, the straightener is ready. here goes nothing!
oh, and i realize i totally should've taken a picture with pam before we got our hair cut and before we showered because we both trimmed a little more hair ourselves, so it would show a "before-and-after" kind of thing, but it's too late for that now. oh well.
man i feel like my hair is cooperating. i haven't looked in a mirror yet, so i'm gonna go do that now.
sorry for the pointlessly long blog. i was just rambling to share my random, boring thoughts.
all in all, it's been a GREAT beginning of spring break, and i'm really looking forward to the rest of it :D
i stayed over at josh's place with a bunch of people and we had fun playing balderdash all the way up until 3:30 am, with me falling asleep later than that because steve's feet spaz occassionally, and he snores sometimes, and eddie's hamster is nocturnal apparently and likes to run around in her cage at the wee hours of the morning.
then of course we all depart, and i stay awake with josh for the whole ride again (it's just what i do now), and it was interesting having steve join our little party. we dropped him off @ his mom's place in white plains, and then crossed back over the river to drop off michelle (whom i did NOT want to depart from) and then had perfect timing reaching josh's house just as my dad pulled in to pick us up.
auntie yan (josh's mom) is the bestest godmother anyone could have. as soon as she saw me she said, "i didn't even know you were coming, but you must've smelled it," and of course i have NO idea what she's talking about, until she brings me to the kitchen, pulls out a shop rite fresh bake shop bag and puts two pistachio muffins in there and hands it to me. she always gets them for me because she knows i love them :P oh man she rocks.
it was so nice to come home.
and today, our family had to go to a couple of cemeteries for ching-ming, which made me zombie-like on the car rides, but it wasn't too bad. we ate dim sum with grandma in elmhurst @ east buffet which was really yummy because i really really missed eating siu-mai! sighhh. so good.
then dad dropped pam and me off in flushing where we saw brendon crossing the street. pam called him and pretended we got snowed in and just got home this morning. that was pretty funny. we went to get our hair cut, but it was pretty full so we had to wait a bit. but it wasn't too bad.
i was REALLY excited to get my hair cut. like really really. i love my hair, but the front was really bothering me. it just wasn't what i wanted. so pretty much i look the same, except my bangs are a little shorter. my hair wasn't even layered as much as i'd like, but i was really really happy with my hair. so basically i got a trim. i thought it was going to be a more drastic change, but this is good. i didn't really want a drastic change, especially a bad one.
oh, okay, so i was a little worried because you know the day you get your hair cut it's NEVER the same after you get home and wash it and whatever, but i really enjoyed it while it lasted. i didn't HAVE to wash it because technically it was washed, BUT i did something so out of character today that forced me to...
i went running.
i KNOW. big shocker, right? me, the person who absolutely despises running, did it today. and not just for five minutes. i KNOW. jeez. but wait, let's back up.
after pam & i got our hair cuts, libby met us in flushing, and so did dan, and the four of us went to sago to get some drinks and a snack to hang out. it was really fun, i'm glad we did it. then we were talking about my short stories and this aloe vera drink that dan said was really good, so we decided to spontaneously buy a bottle of aloe vera, bring it back to our house, and have a short story reading. i only got to read one of my stories because dan had to get home for dinner, but it was still fun.
okay, now after dan took libby home, pam said she was going to go running for ten or fifteen minutes, then we could watch an episode of wildfire if we had time before dinner. now of course, pam does this often and it's obvious that i loathe running so much, so why would she ask me if i wanted to go too? so as i was settling onto the couch with my laptop until i started thinking about what i was going to do now. umm...nothing. and then i was like, man alive i haven't exercised in so long. and that football game on thursday really made me sore - thus reminding me that i was extremely out of shape. so i was sitting there, and then suddenly i got up and told pam i wanted to go with her.
of course, she was in utter shock but welcomed me to join her. and of course, i don't have running shoes, so i had to wear my suede champion ones, but whatever. we had a good run. we talked as we ran, which kept my mind off of the actual running, and then when we stopped running, we realized we had run for 30 minutes! CRAZY. i've never run for that long in my entire life.
but it was a good run. pam and i had a good talk. we talked through everything that was going on in our lives and between us, and i think things are smoothed over for real now. it was nice :]
i think i might actually not mind running now -- but only with pam :P
and thus, because i went running, i had to take a shower and mess up my poor lovely hair. it was the moment of truth. i knew it had to come sooner or later. so i did, and when i air-dried it (as i normally do - i try to avoid blow-drying as much as possible because it really damages hair), my bangs came out all puffy and fluffy, and my hair was frizzy and a little wavy and totally disappointing...
but, now comes to the reason why i'm blogging at this moment in the first place: i plugged in my straightener and am waiting for it to heat up to try and save my beloved hair.
so as i wait, i'll talk about a few random things:
i totally should've brought my black flats home from school. i left them there and took my beige slip-ons instead because i thought i wouldn't need them and i didn't feel like squishing stuff into my bag, so i left them at school. boy do i regret that. i realize that tomorrow is easter and i totally would love to wear a skirt, but now i don't have shoes to wear :[ my beige shoes aren't dressy enough, so it would look funny. AND, in addition to that, i can't find my open-toe strappy shoes to wear instead, so i don't know what i'm going to do! i know it sounds silly, but i really like to dress up, especially for easter, for God, even though the rest of my church doesn't really follow suit sometimes. i don't mind being different. i don't do it for other people. but if i don't have shoes, then it's not going to work.
sigh. i'll try looking for my strappy shoes again and if i don't, i'll have to make my beige shoes work somehow -_-
well, the straightener is ready. here goes nothing!
oh, and i realize i totally should've taken a picture with pam before we got our hair cut and before we showered because we both trimmed a little more hair ourselves, so it would show a "before-and-after" kind of thing, but it's too late for that now. oh well.
man i feel like my hair is cooperating. i haven't looked in a mirror yet, so i'm gonna go do that now.
sorry for the pointlessly long blog. i was just rambling to share my random, boring thoughts.
all in all, it's been a GREAT beginning of spring break, and i'm really looking forward to the rest of it :D
Sunday, March 16, 2008
what a weekend :]
tuttle thinks i should update my blog more. i think i shall try. i do like entertaining you all with my life rants.
here's a random thought for you: i don't like writing creative non-fiction.
i say that because i'm currently trying to finish my non-fiction piece for my creative writing class and really don't like what i'm spitting out onto the computer. i liked writing short stories better :\ i'm writing about how i feel like i don't really identify myself as "Chinese" but "American" but then i actually don't think i'm fully American or Chinese-American for that matter. i'm somewhere loosely in between.
anyway, i had a crazy weekend. aiko and priscilla came up to visit! it made me really really happy. i'm not as close to priscilla as i'd like to be, so i was really glad we had an opportunity to talk and just hang out. it was good. i thought it might be boring or awkward for the two of them to follow me around in the things i did, but it turned out to be good. they really connected with a bunch of people. i'm glad my IV friends are so friendly and likeable :D
i was REALLY happy libby got to come up and visit, too. i missed her a lot. and i'm really glad she got the package i sent her before she came home for spring break.
i think i was a little overwhelmed in the beginning though...aiko, priscilla, AND libby stayed in my room friday night, and they were just plain all over the place. i wasn't used to having like a million chargers getting plugged into my power strip, garbage everywhere that wasn't mine, and people stepping all over my rug and rubbing their faces all over my pillow and people crawling into my bed. it was...well, let's just say, i was uber glad to wash my sheets and duvet cover sunday night.
tuttle, i didn't say i was going to write a whole blog about you :P
i really missed raymond & mary situ. i wished they came up to visit. i haven't talked with them in so long.
back to my weekend. FRESHMEN GUYS: you guys ROCK. i really really appreciate all the work you guys put into organizing and making the dinner. it was really delicious and all the foods went well together! i have to say though that i really really liked tuttle's chowder. it was something different and it was really yummy. AND i have to thank anthony because it was totally sweet of him to make a lefty place setting just for me. and he made spaghetti and meatballs that was scrumptious as well. kudos to all of your for your hard work.
tuttle i'll write a whole blog about you another day. but for now, i'll try to mention you as much as possible.
and THANK YOU guys who came to support us koinonians even though you had to pay $3. and special thanks to tuttle who already heard all of the songs and still came to see us perform. you rock :] i love koinonia. we messed up here and there, but we trust that God will use us in whatever way He sees fit.
oh man that was the BEST night. after performing at casino-in-the-woods, a bunch of people came over to my room to hang out! i absolutely LOVE it when people come to hang out :] i like taking care of people and playing hostess. it was fun. libby & i microwaved the popcorn, and we watched "once." of course, priscilla's head was on my shoulder and she fell asleep and totally messed up my shoulder and back...i was in pain for either the last half or last third of the movie.
and then i had a good heart-to-heart with aiko and priscilla even though i kind of fell asleep on them...but i hope we have more talks like that in the future.
tuttle, i want your blog to be have lots of thorough thoughts and words, and i want to surprise you - i want you to come to my blog one day and find a whole blog dedicated to you. okay? okay.
the weekend ended with "little women" the play, but it was only okay. it made me want to watch the movie, the version with winona ryder. such a good movie. and it was much better than the play version i saw here at school.
oh, but my weekend really ended with me working on my creative non-fiction. i finished it. and today [monday] my workshop group worked on it and said it was good! i didn't like it, but since they did i guess it was okay to read. that's good. that means i don't have to change much for the revision.
yay, now i can go back to writing short stories :]
here's a random thought for you: i don't like writing creative non-fiction.
i say that because i'm currently trying to finish my non-fiction piece for my creative writing class and really don't like what i'm spitting out onto the computer. i liked writing short stories better :\ i'm writing about how i feel like i don't really identify myself as "Chinese" but "American" but then i actually don't think i'm fully American or Chinese-American for that matter. i'm somewhere loosely in between.
anyway, i had a crazy weekend. aiko and priscilla came up to visit! it made me really really happy. i'm not as close to priscilla as i'd like to be, so i was really glad we had an opportunity to talk and just hang out. it was good. i thought it might be boring or awkward for the two of them to follow me around in the things i did, but it turned out to be good. they really connected with a bunch of people. i'm glad my IV friends are so friendly and likeable :D
i was REALLY happy libby got to come up and visit, too. i missed her a lot. and i'm really glad she got the package i sent her before she came home for spring break.
i think i was a little overwhelmed in the beginning though...aiko, priscilla, AND libby stayed in my room friday night, and they were just plain all over the place. i wasn't used to having like a million chargers getting plugged into my power strip, garbage everywhere that wasn't mine, and people stepping all over my rug and rubbing their faces all over my pillow and people crawling into my bed. it was...well, let's just say, i was uber glad to wash my sheets and duvet cover sunday night.
tuttle, i didn't say i was going to write a whole blog about you :P
i really missed raymond & mary situ. i wished they came up to visit. i haven't talked with them in so long.
back to my weekend. FRESHMEN GUYS: you guys ROCK. i really really appreciate all the work you guys put into organizing and making the dinner. it was really delicious and all the foods went well together! i have to say though that i really really liked tuttle's chowder. it was something different and it was really yummy. AND i have to thank anthony because it was totally sweet of him to make a lefty place setting just for me. and he made spaghetti and meatballs that was scrumptious as well. kudos to all of your for your hard work.
tuttle i'll write a whole blog about you another day. but for now, i'll try to mention you as much as possible.
and THANK YOU guys who came to support us koinonians even though you had to pay $3. and special thanks to tuttle who already heard all of the songs and still came to see us perform. you rock :] i love koinonia. we messed up here and there, but we trust that God will use us in whatever way He sees fit.
oh man that was the BEST night. after performing at casino-in-the-woods, a bunch of people came over to my room to hang out! i absolutely LOVE it when people come to hang out :] i like taking care of people and playing hostess. it was fun. libby & i microwaved the popcorn, and we watched "once." of course, priscilla's head was on my shoulder and she fell asleep and totally messed up my shoulder and back...i was in pain for either the last half or last third of the movie.
and then i had a good heart-to-heart with aiko and priscilla even though i kind of fell asleep on them...but i hope we have more talks like that in the future.
tuttle, i want your blog to be have lots of thorough thoughts and words, and i want to surprise you - i want you to come to my blog one day and find a whole blog dedicated to you. okay? okay.
the weekend ended with "little women" the play, but it was only okay. it made me want to watch the movie, the version with winona ryder. such a good movie. and it was much better than the play version i saw here at school.
oh, but my weekend really ended with me working on my creative non-fiction. i finished it. and today [monday] my workshop group worked on it and said it was good! i didn't like it, but since they did i guess it was okay to read. that's good. that means i don't have to change much for the revision.
yay, now i can go back to writing short stories :]
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Psalm 27
for some reason, dating/boys seems to be coming up a lot recently.
some of my close friends just started new relationships, and Pastor Kyle at Twin Orchards started preaching a series on love, sex, and intimacy from the book of Song of Songs. i was talking to a guy-friend yesterday online and he was saying how he was having some girl trouble and asking me if i had my eye on anyone and that if there was a guy that he would have to go through him before anything is established.
get in line, mister. join the ten million other people who told me they have to be in the screening process. at this rate, i think "the one" will be the only one who survives it.
i think "love is in the air."
but, i am not shaken. if anything, i am constantly being reassured by God in His love and His will that i do not need to be anxious about boys or relationships or my future husband anytime soon.
here, even the psalm i read today for my quiet time reaffirmed that:
Psalm 27
Of David.
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When evil men advance against me
to devour my flesh,
when my enemies and my foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.
3 Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.
4 One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.
6 Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the LORD.
7 Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.
8 My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.
11 Teach me your way, O LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
breathing out violence.
13 I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
see? how could i ever fear not finding "the one" when God is the stronghold of my life? i am confident that i will see goodness wherever God may lead me, to whomever He may lead me. and i LOVE the last verse because it reminds me to wait and be strong and take heart to wait for God.
and, God & i are working on being the future wife i'm supposed to be for my future husband. it's very exciting :D
it's like, i'm content with myself, but at the same time i'm not settling for the way i am right now. i want to love Jesus more, to be more like him. i want people to see that love pouring out in every aspect of my life.
it's tough. but i'm working on it.
when God reveals to me someone special, i want them to see me genuinely, madly in love with Jesus, just how He is madly in love with me.
and oh, am i starting to fall in love with Jesus. it's a work in progress. i'm getting there.
maybe this is why i feel so funky this semester. love gives you a funky feeling. but really feeling God's love, ohhhhh man. it's beyond funky. it's beyond our imagination :]
if i haven't told you already what the biggest things i've been learning in my life since the start of college, i'll tell you right now. i've been learning to really, truly, genuinely start believing in what i know to be true. putting my heart where my mind is. and oh, is it aligning.
it's so liberating learning everyday to be real to others and to myself.
praise God for His awesome Word, power, and love.
some of my close friends just started new relationships, and Pastor Kyle at Twin Orchards started preaching a series on love, sex, and intimacy from the book of Song of Songs. i was talking to a guy-friend yesterday online and he was saying how he was having some girl trouble and asking me if i had my eye on anyone and that if there was a guy that he would have to go through him before anything is established.
get in line, mister. join the ten million other people who told me they have to be in the screening process. at this rate, i think "the one" will be the only one who survives it.
i think "love is in the air."
but, i am not shaken. if anything, i am constantly being reassured by God in His love and His will that i do not need to be anxious about boys or relationships or my future husband anytime soon.
here, even the psalm i read today for my quiet time reaffirmed that:
Psalm 27
Of David.
1 The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When evil men advance against me
to devour my flesh,
when my enemies and my foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.
3 Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.
4 One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.
6 Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the LORD.
7 Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.
8 My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.
11 Teach me your way, O LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
breathing out violence.
13 I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
see? how could i ever fear not finding "the one" when God is the stronghold of my life? i am confident that i will see goodness wherever God may lead me, to whomever He may lead me. and i LOVE the last verse because it reminds me to wait and be strong and take heart to wait for God.
and, God & i are working on being the future wife i'm supposed to be for my future husband. it's very exciting :D
it's like, i'm content with myself, but at the same time i'm not settling for the way i am right now. i want to love Jesus more, to be more like him. i want people to see that love pouring out in every aspect of my life.
it's tough. but i'm working on it.
when God reveals to me someone special, i want them to see me genuinely, madly in love with Jesus, just how He is madly in love with me.
and oh, am i starting to fall in love with Jesus. it's a work in progress. i'm getting there.
maybe this is why i feel so funky this semester. love gives you a funky feeling. but really feeling God's love, ohhhhh man. it's beyond funky. it's beyond our imagination :]
if i haven't told you already what the biggest things i've been learning in my life since the start of college, i'll tell you right now. i've been learning to really, truly, genuinely start believing in what i know to be true. putting my heart where my mind is. and oh, is it aligning.
it's so liberating learning everyday to be real to others and to myself.
praise God for His awesome Word, power, and love.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
uber long update
well, i've been feeling better lately. this semester has still been pretty weird, but ever since this past tuesday night i've been having a pretty good week. i don't know what was going on with me for the past few weeks, but it's alright. i don't have to always know why.
so let's see...wanna know what i've been doing tonight? well, this morning i woke up at 9 after going to sleep at 3 [yes, i know. not helping my whole losing sleep business], in order to do some work and catch up on stuff. i was able to finish up one part of the Evangelism Training Course i've been participating in by listening to an audio seminar. i learned a lot from it. i'll share about that in another blog for another day. i was also able to start my 4-6 page essay for my fiction-into-film class due this tuesday. i only finished an outline though. then i took a break by making some lunch and watching an episode of gilmore girls :]
i wanted to practice some koinonia songs, but karen was sleeping the whole time so i couldn't.
then for the rest of the afternoon, ohhh man it was a blast. from 2:30 until like, 5 or 5:30ish? i jammed with the IV praise team! we needed to practice because we're going to play for the interfellowship retreat next week. but they asked us to take up an HOUR of praise! that's craziness! but we'll be fine. we have two sets. i'm playing drums for the first set and singing for the second set. it was really fun. just hours and hours of jamming with my brothers and sisters and praising God was really awesome. plus, we had some excellent supporters/spectators who kept busy in the back. and we were playing in lecture hall one! the crazy big lecture hall! we had so much space and everything. it was great. the only sad part is i was the only girl singing. i thought joanna was going to sing with me, but apparently not. and i have to lead the first two songs! aiyahhhhhhhhhh. my voice cracked so many times. it was not good. those songs are so darn high. it wasn't good to me, but it was still fun. i'm really excited for when we play next week, but realize we have to practice after large group next friday and that's going to take FOREVER. i know i'm going to be dead tired. but i know it'll be fun at the same time.
michelle and i are craving chinese food so desperately. today would've been the perfect night. right after practice we were HUNGRY so if it wasn't for michelle's previous obligations, we could've just ordered and sat in and relaxed and ate yummy chinese food. but oh well. we're planning to order on monday so i'm looking forward to that :]
and now i'm in my room by myself. karen went to see boaz's orchestra concert which i really really really wanted to go see, but considering my schedule tomorrow, i will have no time to work on my essay nor practice koinonia songs. so i had to sacrifice something i wanted to attend. i'm really sorry, boaz :[
yes, so i've been practicing koinonia songs for the past fews nights intensely because it kind of hit me during the last practice on thursday that i really needed to step it up with that. when i join something, i am ALL in. and i really wasn't putting my all into it, not realizing that i'm really not good at memorizing music. and it hit me on thursday: if i can't even remember the words of my own songs very well...how am i supposed to memorize all this CRAZY music & lyrics for koinonia?! what did i get myself into?! but i decided i just needed to make it a bigger priority and make the time to practice intensely. so that's just what i've been doing. at least for the two songs we'll be doing next week. that's right, NEXT WEEK. aiyah!!
and the other thing i guess that's been on my mind lately are my friends back home. i miss all of them so much and they really don't understand how much i do because i haven't sent them anything or called them much or showed them how much i miss them and worry about them a lot. i feel helpless because they go through so much and i can't be there for them. and when i am, i don't know what to say or what to do. it's hard. it hurts. they're all at different levels spiritually, too, so it's even more confusing and hard. it makes me really sad that their hurting inside and i can't do anything about it. it's hard to pray about it, too. but i guess it's a matter of trust. trust and obey. i've been really learning that a lot. and then one of them doesn't even tell me how he really feels or what he really thinks because he's so selfless that he just says whatever to make me happy or make me think that he's okay when i know for a fact that he's really not. that hurts too. that a really good friend doesn't tell you how he really feels. that makes me feel even more hurt and helpless. so confusing.
anyway, break time is over. i'm done practicing koinonia songs and shouldn't really sing much since i'm going to need my voice tomorrow and next week and my throat has started to hurt last night and today. i need to do as much as i can of my essay. i guess i won't start another section of the Evangelism Training Course tonight. i should try to get to bed. tomorrow's a busy day. a day i want to give to God.
pray. trust. obey.
the three keys to my life.
so let's see...wanna know what i've been doing tonight? well, this morning i woke up at 9 after going to sleep at 3 [yes, i know. not helping my whole losing sleep business], in order to do some work and catch up on stuff. i was able to finish up one part of the Evangelism Training Course i've been participating in by listening to an audio seminar. i learned a lot from it. i'll share about that in another blog for another day. i was also able to start my 4-6 page essay for my fiction-into-film class due this tuesday. i only finished an outline though. then i took a break by making some lunch and watching an episode of gilmore girls :]
i wanted to practice some koinonia songs, but karen was sleeping the whole time so i couldn't.
then for the rest of the afternoon, ohhh man it was a blast. from 2:30 until like, 5 or 5:30ish? i jammed with the IV praise team! we needed to practice because we're going to play for the interfellowship retreat next week. but they asked us to take up an HOUR of praise! that's craziness! but we'll be fine. we have two sets. i'm playing drums for the first set and singing for the second set. it was really fun. just hours and hours of jamming with my brothers and sisters and praising God was really awesome. plus, we had some excellent supporters/spectators who kept busy in the back. and we were playing in lecture hall one! the crazy big lecture hall! we had so much space and everything. it was great. the only sad part is i was the only girl singing. i thought joanna was going to sing with me, but apparently not. and i have to lead the first two songs! aiyahhhhhhhhhh. my voice cracked so many times. it was not good. those songs are so darn high. it wasn't good to me, but it was still fun. i'm really excited for when we play next week, but realize we have to practice after large group next friday and that's going to take FOREVER. i know i'm going to be dead tired. but i know it'll be fun at the same time.
michelle and i are craving chinese food so desperately. today would've been the perfect night. right after practice we were HUNGRY so if it wasn't for michelle's previous obligations, we could've just ordered and sat in and relaxed and ate yummy chinese food. but oh well. we're planning to order on monday so i'm looking forward to that :]
and now i'm in my room by myself. karen went to see boaz's orchestra concert which i really really really wanted to go see, but considering my schedule tomorrow, i will have no time to work on my essay nor practice koinonia songs. so i had to sacrifice something i wanted to attend. i'm really sorry, boaz :[
yes, so i've been practicing koinonia songs for the past fews nights intensely because it kind of hit me during the last practice on thursday that i really needed to step it up with that. when i join something, i am ALL in. and i really wasn't putting my all into it, not realizing that i'm really not good at memorizing music. and it hit me on thursday: if i can't even remember the words of my own songs very well...how am i supposed to memorize all this CRAZY music & lyrics for koinonia?! what did i get myself into?! but i decided i just needed to make it a bigger priority and make the time to practice intensely. so that's just what i've been doing. at least for the two songs we'll be doing next week. that's right, NEXT WEEK. aiyah!!
and the other thing i guess that's been on my mind lately are my friends back home. i miss all of them so much and they really don't understand how much i do because i haven't sent them anything or called them much or showed them how much i miss them and worry about them a lot. i feel helpless because they go through so much and i can't be there for them. and when i am, i don't know what to say or what to do. it's hard. it hurts. they're all at different levels spiritually, too, so it's even more confusing and hard. it makes me really sad that their hurting inside and i can't do anything about it. it's hard to pray about it, too. but i guess it's a matter of trust. trust and obey. i've been really learning that a lot. and then one of them doesn't even tell me how he really feels or what he really thinks because he's so selfless that he just says whatever to make me happy or make me think that he's okay when i know for a fact that he's really not. that hurts too. that a really good friend doesn't tell you how he really feels. that makes me feel even more hurt and helpless. so confusing.
anyway, break time is over. i'm done practicing koinonia songs and shouldn't really sing much since i'm going to need my voice tomorrow and next week and my throat has started to hurt last night and today. i need to do as much as i can of my essay. i guess i won't start another section of the Evangelism Training Course tonight. i should try to get to bed. tomorrow's a busy day. a day i want to give to God.
pray. trust. obey.
the three keys to my life.
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