God chose you and God chose me.

For the foolishness of God is wiser than men,
and the weakness of God is stronger than men.
For consider your calling, brothers:
not many of you were wise according to wordly standards,
not many were powerful,
not many were of noble birth.
But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise;
God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong;
God chose what is low and despised in the world,
even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are,
so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.
And because of him you are in Christ Jesus,
who became to us wisdom from God,
righteousness and sanctification and redemption,
so that, as it is written,
"Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord."

--1 Corinthians 1:25-31

My house is a mess and it's driving me insane.

Yesterday I was signing a card for my dad's birthday, but in the middle of writing in it, my dad came home from picking up ice cream for dessert, and I had to run around to find some place to keep writing so he wouldn't see me.

Sad part? I ran around the whole house looking for a surface to write on besides the kitchen table (because he would come in through that way), and I couldn't find one. Yeah, that's right. There was absolutely no surface in my bedroom or my living room or study room for me to write a birthday card. Every surface was covered with books and just plain stuff. It was frustrating.

So I can be messy. It happens. I don't have time to put things away or can't find a place for them, so stuff gets left around unorganized and unkept. It's understandable. But what I can't stand is when there's just so much of it that it'll take days to go through it, and 3/4 of the stuff isn't even your own. I really don't like cleaning up other people's mess because I'm always afraid I'll toss something they want. What I can't stand is if you can't spend like a half an hour putting stuff away where they belong, or a couple of hours reorganizing or rearranging things to put them away neatly. And believe me, you can't do that in my house.

That's the way my house has always been. And I hate it.

I was given full on hope that changing bedrooms with my parents would give me my own space. A space just like my dorm room at school that I could have control over, that I could call my room. But as our room-switch operation date got pushed from the week I got home from school to the week I get back from Urbana, my hope has been sinking and it is sinking fast. I fear it's not going to get done, or I fear it'll take the whole winter break to do it, which I already have very little of.

My house is a haphazard, a place I don't particularly like inviting friends over to because it's so messy and old. I have to be careful walking up and down the stairs because there's stuff on it, and carrying things around my house is dangerous because I might trip over towers of books and CDs or boxes of stuff. Our piano has become another shelf, and the piano bench is Sam's pseudo-desk. My desk area has become storage space for my stuff and Pam's, and the floor of our bedroom has become Pam's space for stuff. I can't reach my desk anymore.

I do not care what color paint my (and Pam's) new room will be. I am not looking forward to the actual process of switching bedrooms, but I certainly will be the happiest camper when I can finally find a place of refuge and peace in this house.

Thoughts on Christmas Decorations and Materialism.

I am home! Freedom from schoolwork has come (for a while, at least!), and I have been enjoying it, despite my nervous anticipation for our final grades. Although, I must say I did enjoy studying these past few days.

After my family ate dinner tonight in honor of advent we read a chapter from this book about the "fascinating" traditions of Christmas, and the history behind some of the usual "Christmas cheer," which I do find interesting. This book, or maybe this particular chapter was very long and boring. It was not written in a very fascinating way at all. How disappointing.

Despite its bland approach to the subject of the history of how Christmas decorations came about, a detail about decorations caught my ear and made me chew on it.

We often talk or think about how materialistic the winter holiday season has become - with millions of gifts to buy, cards to write, lights to put up, Christmas albums to listen to, it seems as though our country has lost itself to the illusion that all of this hustle and bustle is completely necessary for the "Christmas spirit" to come alive. We reflect on how people go crazy and stress out with family dinner preparations, get disappointed when we don't get the gift we want or when plans come undone and we think about how sad it all is...that we invest so much into a month of craziness only for it to pass and wait for the next year to come around.

We don't feel satisfied. We decide if our Christmas was a good one if nothing bad happened, if things went as planned or better than we expected. We say our Christmas was bad if some sort of drama broke out, if we stressed out, or if an unexpected tragedy or unplanned event occurred beyond our radar.

It's then that we question what the point of Christmas is, and how we've become so wrapped up in the material, visual celebration of it all. What struck me from the history that was read to me tonight was that we brought it upon ourselves. We put the blame on the businesses, scoff when advertisements for big sales come on, and complain when we feel the need to shop during the busiest time of year. But it is still that hole in our God-shaped hearts that we have created this season of materialism and displays. Generations of people have believed for so long that we needed more gifts and more displays that we had to demand businesses for more variety of tree ornaments, Christmas lights, cards, and the next Tickle-me-Elmo or Furby to try and satisfy this thirst for more.

Are we so broken a people that we find ourselves celebrating the "true meaning of Christmas" as family gatherings, lots of food, and gifts under the tree? Celebrating Christmas can't mean the celebration of family, good food, or gifts because not everyone has them. What everyone can be offered and what everyone can have is the gift of humble hope. Christ wasn't born after the Christmas lights were put up, or the wise men came with their gifts. Celebration came before He was born: the prophets, with Mary. Celebration came when He was born: with the shepherds, the angels, the mended family of two. And celebration came after He was born: the wise men, the gifts brought to Him. It didn't mean there wasn't trouble among them: the scandal of Joseph and Mary's relationship, Mary being with child though she was a virgin, the difficulty of finding a place to give birth, the threat of death when Herod commanded every child to be killed, etc.

But let us celebrate before, during, and after this season, amidst the threat of sour circumstances - not the hanging of decorations, the exchange of gifts, or swirl of "Christmas cheer," but why we do all of it in the first place. Maybe we need to re-think our purposes and shift our thoughts to the one who should be the center of our lives, rather than the excuse of our stress and blunder.

Hate to be called a nerd, but...

I like studying. It reminds me that it was worth going to every single class because I actually learned something. And I love learning new things. It's a refreshing and growing experience.

I didn't study as much as I would have liked to study - meaning I didn't get to read all of the material for my English classes. When I did set time to sit down and do my work, it was to write papers or catch up on stories I hadn't read.

I'm actually pretty satisfied with how much work I did for school this semester. I may not have been able to read and prepare for every single class, but I can say that I did try my best.

I wrote on my gtalk status the other day that in some ways I'd like to be like Rory from Gilmore Girls, the Chilton years. She's always loved reading and studied sooo much and really did enjoy it. I really admire that about her. Of course, she's a fictional character, but I think in that sense she's a good role model to emulate. She reads and studies hard, but also has fun and spends time with her family and friends.

Studying during this finals week has been something like that. And I like that.

Thanks, God. For giving me a brain and the ability to read and learn. It's great :D

The freedom is so close I can almost taste it...

Lukewarm People.

I'd hate to admit this, but when I am truly and deeply honest with myself, I identify with some of these. I was so scared by how true it was that I couldn't finish reading the chapter at first.
There are things listed here that I need to constantly turn over to God.
Let's examine ourselves carefully and see if you agree with these or not. There are Biblical references, by the way, but there's just so much that I couldn't write it all here.

From Francis Chan's "Crazy Love":

Lukewarm People....
...attend church fairly regularly. It is what is expected of them, what they believe "good Christians" do, so they go.

...give money to charity and to the church as long as it doesn't impinge on their standard of living. If they have a little extra and it is easy and safe to give, they do so. After all, God loves a cheerful giver, right?

...tend to choose what is popular over what is right when they are in conflict. They desire to fit in both at church and outside of church; they care more about what people think of their actions (like church attendance and giving) than what God thinks of their hearts and lives.

...don't really want to be saved from their sins; they want only to be saved from the penalty of their sin. They don't genuinely hate sin and aren't truly sorry for it; they're merely sorry because God is going to punish them. Lukewarm people don't really believe that this new life Jesus offers is better than the old sinful one.

...are moved by stories about people who do radical things for Christ, yet they do not act. They assume such action is for "extreme" Christians, not average ones. Lukewarm people call "radical" what Jesus expected of all His followers.

...rarely share their faith with their neighbors, coworkers, or friends. They do not want to be rejected, nor do they want to make people uncomfortable by talking about private issues like religion.

...gauge their morality or "goodness" by comparing themselves to the secular world. They feel satisfied that while they aren't as hard-core for Jesus as so-and-so, they are nowhere as horrible as the guy down the street.

...say they love Jesus, and He is, indeed a part of their lives. But only a part. They give Him a section of their time, their money, and their thoughts, but He isn't allowed to control their lives.

...love God, but they do not love Him with all their heart, soul, and strength. They would be quick to assure you that they try to love God that much, but that sort of total devotion isn't really possible for the average person; it's only for pastors and missionaries and radicals.

...love others but do not seek to love others as much as they love themselves. Their love of others is typically focused on those who love them in return, like family, friends, and other people they know and connect with. There is little love left over for those who cannot love them back, much less for those who intentionally slight them, whose kids are better athletes than theirs, or with whom conversations are awkward or uncomfortable. Their love is highly conditional and very selective, and generally comes with strings attached.

...will serve God and others, but there are limits to how far they will go or how much time, money, and energy they are willing to give.

...think about life on earth much more often than eternity in heaven. Daily life is mostly focused on today's to-do list, this week's schedule, and next month's vacation. Rarely, if ever, do they intently consider the life to come. Regarding this, C.S. Lewis writes, "If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this."

...are thankful for their luxuries and comforts, and rarely consider trying to give as much as possible to the poor. They are quick to point out, "Jesus never said money is the root of all evil, only that the love of money is." Untold numbers of lukewarm people feel "called" to minister the rich; very few feel "called" to minister to the poor.

...do whatever is necessary to keep themselves from feeling too guilty. They want to do the bare minimum, to be "good enough" without it requiring too much of them.

...are continually concerned with playing it safe; they are slavees to the god of control. This focus on safe living keeps them from sacrificing and risking for God.

...feel secure because they attend church, made a profession of faith at age twelve, were baptized, come from a Christian family, vote Republican, or live in America. Just as the prophets in the Old Testament warned Israel that they were not safe just because they lived in the land of Israel, so we are not safe just because we wear the label Christian or because some people persist in calling us a "Christian nation."

...do not live by faith; their lives are structured so they never have to. They don't have to trust God if something unexpected happens - they have their savings account. They don't need God to help them - they have their retirement plan in place. They don't genuinely seek out what life God would have them live - they have life figured and mapped out. They don't depend on God on a daily basis - their refrigerators are full and, for the most part, they are in good health. The truth is, their lives wouldn't look much different if they suddenly stopped believing in God.

...probably drink and swear less than average, but besides that, they really aren't very different from your typical unbeliever. They equate their partially sanitized lives with holiness, but they couldn't be more wrong.

At the end of this chapter, Francis Chan says,
Jesus asks for everything. But we try to give Him less.