i think it's going to be very interesting when God decides for me start dating.
so i had this dream the other night, and it was really really weird. so first it starts with me standing on the sidewalk next to my front lawn with like a crowd of people swarmed around me, who apparently is my close friends and family, bombarding me with questions and suggestions for my wedding arrangements tomorrow. yeah. i know. weird already.
and i'm all like, whoa whoa whoa what's going on? why is my wedding tomorrow? and i dunno nobody answers me and just keep giving me suggestions like it's nothing: "since booking a church for tomorrow is out of the question, we could just have the wedding on our front lawn, and your dad can perform the ceremony, and..." etc. etc.
and i'm like, what the heck is going on?
and apparently, i was not long ago engaged to joon kim, my best friend's ex-"boyfriend" from 7th and 8th grade (except now he's older). if they're such things as boyfriends in 7th and 8th grade. it was awkward. i clearly remember in my dream that i had no idea how i possibly got engaged to that jerk-thug in the first place.
which makes me scared and i'm like, oh man i do NOT want to marry that jerk-face. how did i possibly get to this position? how could my friends and family let me get engaged to this thug?
so i'm like, oh man if i back out, everyone's gonna be so mad but if i marry him, i'll be stuck with him the rest of my life! so i decided that was probably the better decision in the long run. so with my heart thumping of nervousness, i pulled my sister inside my house and said i couldn't go through with it. and she was like, "what?? why??" and all that, and i was just saying it wasn't right, it wasn't right. i didn't love him. and she's like, okay. so the wedding was called off.
so then the scene changes to me being in some sort of ice skating rink area, and i think michelle and dan are with me (which is weird, since they don't know each other). but we don't go ice skating or like...we just finished skating or something and i for some reason go into one of the locker rooms (i think the guys' locker rooms!) to look for dan or something. and i guess it's been a little while since the wedding was called off, but i saw joon sitting by a locker, but i didn't address him at all because i was scared to confront him. and he was looking all mean and thug-like, so i just went about my business looking for dan. and i found him and we started leaving (i don't know where michelle was), and we leave the gate and it looks like we're somewhere like chinatown or something and joon is sitting on somewhere on the side of one of those chinatown streetcorner store things, staring at me and dan as we leave and then as we go past him, he goes inside and then comes back out with his family and his mom (i don't even know what she looks like in real life) starts getting all mad at me and yelling at me for being such a horrible girl and a disgrace to my family and blah blah blah all because i didn't marry her son and stuff.
and that's how the dream ends.
i really want everyone who says they're going to "interview" or "check out" the guy i'm dating, to really follow through with that! your voice will be heard and appreciated!
i think maybe i had that dream because peter ong told me at tecbc randomly but sincerely that he wanted to make sure the guy i start dating is good enough for me. it meant a lot to me, especially since i don't really get a chance to talk to peter that much. but he's pretty awesome and i really take what he says to heart. and he's not the first to say that! i believe i've blogged about this before but there's a lot of people who have been telling me this, and i really do appreciate it and hope you will keep me in check.
i know i'll have a lot of people to support me no matter what happens in the near future :]
wanna know what dream i had last night?
i have one word for you: pokemon.
yeah. i don't think you wanna know.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
overdue
wow. i haven't posted in an extremely sadly long time. a whole month! i guess it's mostly because life has been quite busy and so many things have been happening that posting it on a public weblog just hasn't been one of my priorities. sorry guys. i do want to post more, though, and it looks like i'll have plenty of time to do that this summer.
man, i don't know where to start! there's so many things to talk about.
well, i guess i can first sum up my spring semester.
i'd say it was a good semester generally. academically, i know i could've done so much better. i didn't really work as hard as i did during the fall semester, and my grades weren't that much lower, but i really didn't put my 100% in, and i feel really guilty for that. i'm going to try to do better next semester and bring my GPA up! hopefully i'll have less reading. spring semester's reading load was really intense. i couldn't keep up!
character-wise, i didn't really think i changed much, until i was talking with sam chang and boaz about it during my last few days @ bing. they said i changed a LOT. and then they started pointing out ways i did: i was more talkative, more outgoing, i went up to choconut to hang out more, etc. etc. and it's true i guess. but i think it was kind of natural since it usually takes me a while to get used to new environments and new people. it actually took me a lot less time to open up more. in high school, it took me the first three years :P josh and gary also said i seemed more flexible, a more go-with-the-flow attitude and less up-tight. i guess that's good. this "go-with-the-flow" attitude also caused me to lose more sleep. remember how during fall semester i went to bed no later than 1am and usually went to sleep @ 11 or 12? well, spring semester i think i went to bed no EARLIER than 1am :[
spiritually, i'm not sure what was going on, but i think basileia really shook things up for me and brought my world back down to reality.
i guess now's a good time to talk about basileia:
so pre-basileia i was kind of mellow-excited for it because i didn't know what to expect. at the same time i was a little worried because everyone had pumped it up so much and i didn't want to expect so much and then be disappointed. but i was excited. and then it came. and it started off not so well. we made the bus leave a half-an-hour late because of stupid traffic. ugh. i felt really bad, even i know i know, it wasn't necessarily that big of a deal. STILL. it didn't make me feel good at all. and i was coughing left and right, interrupting my sentences and definitely making everyone around me feel uncomfortable. and then it was rainy and the beginning of my track wasn't very fruitful. i was having a hard time falling asleep every night because of my cough. i was aware that my attitude wasn't good at all. so i made an extra effort to keep and open mind and an open heart. and alas, i'm glad i did! my track starting making so much more sense on the third day, i was riveted by all of greg jao's messages, i wasn't as tired as i thought i'd be, and i was really enjoying the bonding time i had with our binghamton chapter. the track i was in was really opening my eyes to a bigger picture. it was getting me really excited to go back to school and start fresh in making new friends outside of IV and sharing God's love and His word through our friendship. i was concerned that the summer would cause me to lose my fervor and enthusiasm, but God helped me see that the summer was just another huge opportunity to encounter God and share His word. i haven't really gotten a job, and i have friends i really need to meet with and spend time with.
i also know God's been asking me to reach into my own church youth group and see where they are and try to spend more time with them as well, helping them grow in their faith as they walk with God.
so, i may not be doing much this summer in regards to vacations or jobs, and i may not be going anywhere outside this state or country for missions trip, but there is a mission field right in my neighborhood and the harvest is plentiful.
there is plenty to do. hopefully i'll keep you guys updated often throughout this summer.
man, i don't know where to start! there's so many things to talk about.
well, i guess i can first sum up my spring semester.
i'd say it was a good semester generally. academically, i know i could've done so much better. i didn't really work as hard as i did during the fall semester, and my grades weren't that much lower, but i really didn't put my 100% in, and i feel really guilty for that. i'm going to try to do better next semester and bring my GPA up! hopefully i'll have less reading. spring semester's reading load was really intense. i couldn't keep up!
character-wise, i didn't really think i changed much, until i was talking with sam chang and boaz about it during my last few days @ bing. they said i changed a LOT. and then they started pointing out ways i did: i was more talkative, more outgoing, i went up to choconut to hang out more, etc. etc. and it's true i guess. but i think it was kind of natural since it usually takes me a while to get used to new environments and new people. it actually took me a lot less time to open up more. in high school, it took me the first three years :P josh and gary also said i seemed more flexible, a more go-with-the-flow attitude and less up-tight. i guess that's good. this "go-with-the-flow" attitude also caused me to lose more sleep. remember how during fall semester i went to bed no later than 1am and usually went to sleep @ 11 or 12? well, spring semester i think i went to bed no EARLIER than 1am :[
spiritually, i'm not sure what was going on, but i think basileia really shook things up for me and brought my world back down to reality.
i guess now's a good time to talk about basileia:
so pre-basileia i was kind of mellow-excited for it because i didn't know what to expect. at the same time i was a little worried because everyone had pumped it up so much and i didn't want to expect so much and then be disappointed. but i was excited. and then it came. and it started off not so well. we made the bus leave a half-an-hour late because of stupid traffic. ugh. i felt really bad, even i know i know, it wasn't necessarily that big of a deal. STILL. it didn't make me feel good at all. and i was coughing left and right, interrupting my sentences and definitely making everyone around me feel uncomfortable. and then it was rainy and the beginning of my track wasn't very fruitful. i was having a hard time falling asleep every night because of my cough. i was aware that my attitude wasn't good at all. so i made an extra effort to keep and open mind and an open heart. and alas, i'm glad i did! my track starting making so much more sense on the third day, i was riveted by all of greg jao's messages, i wasn't as tired as i thought i'd be, and i was really enjoying the bonding time i had with our binghamton chapter. the track i was in was really opening my eyes to a bigger picture. it was getting me really excited to go back to school and start fresh in making new friends outside of IV and sharing God's love and His word through our friendship. i was concerned that the summer would cause me to lose my fervor and enthusiasm, but God helped me see that the summer was just another huge opportunity to encounter God and share His word. i haven't really gotten a job, and i have friends i really need to meet with and spend time with.
i also know God's been asking me to reach into my own church youth group and see where they are and try to spend more time with them as well, helping them grow in their faith as they walk with God.
so, i may not be doing much this summer in regards to vacations or jobs, and i may not be going anywhere outside this state or country for missions trip, but there is a mission field right in my neighborhood and the harvest is plentiful.
there is plenty to do. hopefully i'll keep you guys updated often throughout this summer.
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