don't ask, don't tell & dr. quinn

i don't know if the rest of my family would agree, but i personally think there is a kind of underlying "don't ask, don't tell" policy in our house.

i don't even really know how to explain it. it's like, i feel like a television typical angst teenager whose parents don't know who i am and only know the minimal things of my life. and you know what? it's not like i don't want to share with them my life, it's just that they rarely ask. and if they do, it's out of politeness or whatever. and then if i do share with them stuff, they don't remember. or they don't ask me about it later to see how it's progressing, to see how i'm doing.

i don't want to say anything because i don't want to force them to say anything, or ask. the whole point is that i wish they'd want to know more about my life.

it's getting harder and harder since i've been feeling this way since the beginning of high school. sometimes i just get snappy or have an attitude for "no reason." but really, i know why.

some days i can take it. other days, i just get really annoyed. it's frustrating.

here's a random thing. i miss the tv show, dr. quinn. i used to watch it all the time. and it's a really good show. plus, i love jane seymour in that show, and i'm a sucker for dresses (which you may or may not know), the kind that they wore way back in old times. i love love loooove this show! it went on for a good 6 seasons.

so, they used to show re-runs on the hallmark channel last year, and my dad tried taping a bunch onto dvds, but as i tried watching one today, they're all out of order. sigh.

colleen: sully, where are all my chickens?

hahaha. anyway, i miss that show.
and jane seymour is so pretty.
if i get the dvds one day, you all should watch it with me :]

a post about my other half

i'm sure you can figure out who this post is about :]

it's amazing at how close we've always been ever since we were little, and how much closer we grew even to this day. it's funny how we hit our "rough patch" not in elementary school when i would chase her around the schoolyard, but just this past semester. and look how we've gotten over that huge bump in the road.

i'm writing this post about her because i want to express to you how utterly grateful i am to have her in my life. i think this summer so far has even deepened my relationship with her. every day i am so happy when she comes home from work or wherever. remember that post a while ago about how i felt unproductive and yucky because of it? well, God has used her to bring me to my knees and then bring me to my feet. the other day i rearranged our room a little bit just for the heck of it because i had decided to clean underneath my bed. she didn't tell me to do it, but in a weird unconcious way she encouraged it. she always does that to me.

it's kind of like when someone or something blows past you so fast that even though they're not physically there anymore, the wind that they stirred up by running past you just blows you away. that's her. she blows me away as i get caught up in the wind. and it's usually very good for me because i just stand there :P

she is probably the main reason why i'm having such a good summer. i can't even explain half of it to you because you probably won't even understand it completely.

she keeps me sane but at the same time she understands my insanity.
because she's in my life i don't have to feel lonely.
i can be stupid around her.
i love when she makes me laugh.
i love when i make her laugh.
i can tell even my closest brothers and sisters all the family stuff that goes on, but she actually lives it and experiences it with me. everyday. and that comforts me.
she knows pretty much all of my friends.
i can tell her everything.
she tries to keep me healthy. sometimes. at least, when she doesn't try i just feel guilty anyway.
i love making her proud. and it doesn't take much to do that.
she's my cheerleader. especially when my family has never been a cheerleading kind of family.
she's a whole family rolled into one person, minus a family pet.
she's my buffer, my listener, my angel.

and she's always pointing me in God's direction.

alright, here are some pictures :P

(left picture: a wedding in '96 or '97? right picture: a wedding in '07)


i feel so blessed. hmm, i wonder why that line sounds familiar... ;X