Theme song of this semester.

There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leave

I wave my arms 'round about me and blow with all my might

I cannot sense you close, though I know you're always here

But the comfort of you near is what I long for

When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same

When I can't hear you, I know you still hear everyword I pray

And I want you more than I want to live another day

And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful

All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone

I still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right

So I whisper soft your name, let it roll around my tongue,

Knowing you're the only one who knows me

You know me

Show me how I should live this

Show me where I should walk

I count this world as loss to me

You are all I want

You are all I want

It's time to try it.

Something has changed within me,
Something is not the same 
I'm through with playing by the rules 
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts 
To close my eyes and leap

It's time to try 
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity 
And you can't pull me down

I'm through accepting limits
'Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change 
But till I try, I'll never know

--excerpt from Defying Gravity, from the Broadway show, Wicked

Bless the Lord.

Emotional workaholic.

Nathan made that term up.  That's what he called me today on the phone.  I've called him a workaholic before, but today he said that I may pace myself better task-wise, but I'm always emotionally preoccupied with what else I need to do and who else I need to care for because my job [as a staff worker, as a friend, as a neighbor, as a sister & daughter, and as a Christian] is never done.  I agreed and said that's probably what it is.  And then we hung up and I burst out crying for the second time today.

They say the first sign is denial and the first step to recovery is acceptance, right?

My name is Tammy and I am an emotional workaholic.

My crying perpetuated itself because feelings and thoughts I wasn't aware of were suddenly rising to the surface of my conscience:  I'm so, so physically and emotionally tired; I have been running on empty; I feel like a hypocrite to my students whom I've been worrying about for overworking; I wish a close friend was here to give me a hug; I feel like a failure for not getting this, this, this, this, and this done; my love tank of affirmation is very low; I feel lonely and needy and don't like that I feel that way; this is an all-too-familiar problem and I should have learned my lesson by now.

My name is Tammy and I am a recovering emotional workaholic who relapsed.

I've always struggled with taking care of myself properly.  This isn't a particularly new concept to me - I've been struggling with this since high school.  This time, it's just got a different face.  Even though I'm better at limiting the number of kinds of commitments I make (i.e. joining/leading way too many clubs or ministries), I still have not gotten the hang of setting boundaries and setting aside time to rest for myself is extremely important.  And it's not just about "doing nothing" - I've done that a number of times this week - but it's about personal fulfillment and delight.  It's about enjoying something that's unique to who I am because that's who God created me to be.

My name is Tammy and I don't want to be an emotional workaholic.

The problem is I know what I need to do in my head - it's the action part that slips through the cracks.  Telling me I need to take Sabbath and take time off or develop my own personal growth will not switch on a light as a novel idea.  It's the actual discipline of doing it that needs to kick in.  Funny, I feel like that's a general issue with many of us who call ourselves Christians.  I am no exception.

If I want to align what I know to be true with what my heart desires, then my behavior should reflect the decisions I've made and the beliefs I say I have.  It's a basic conviction I've valued for a very long time.  So if I know I need to rest, then I need to follow through on setting aside time and space to rest, enjoy the gifts that God has given me to share with others, and not feel guilty about it.  I need to set aside a decent chunk of time every week for myself and defend it against the multitude of needs that never stop coming to hang out on the doorstep of my heart and my brain.  

Eh, I think it could be arguable that the first step to recovery is "acceptance."  At least, I don't necessarily agree that it is just the acceptance of myself as a workaholic.  I think more importantly it is the acceptance and acknowledgement of who God is.  When we remember the character of God, it sheds light on our own sinfulness and how we've replaced Him in our lives for something else.  I think when we remember the truths of who God is, the question we should ask ourselves is:  why do we settle for less?

Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your disease,
who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
--Psalm 103:1-5

If you have time you should check out the twenty questions you can ask yourself to see if you're just like me.

This hymn is following me everywhere.

You know, you pick a hymn to sing at your wedding and all of a sudden it's the hymn you're supposed to read in your prayer book for the week; it's the hymn the speaker mentions in one of her talks and that you sing twice at the women's conference you attend that weekend; and then it's the hymn you sing twice at a students' leaders' conference the weekend after that.  It's a little freakish experience, but I do love this hymn:

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be thou my wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

(How come we never sing this third verse?  Is it because it makes the song too long?)
Be Thou my battle shield, sword for the fight;
Be though my dignity, Thou my delight;
Thou my soul's shelter, thou my high tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High king of heaven, my treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven's joys, O bright Heaven's Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Needtobreathe therapy.

I don't feel like baking will cut it this time.

There's plenty to clean, but it only adds to the frustration.

Not really in the mood to journal.

It's too late at night to pick up Theoden, whom I've missed a lot lately.

This calls for my good ol' buddies, Needtobreathe.

Hello, Theoden.

I picked up Theoden, my guitar, today after not touching him for the past...maybe three weeks?  It's been a long time.

I've missed him.

It felt good, but I realize that I miss singing for an audience, even with the nerves and the mistakes.  I need more performance practice.  I tend to get so caught up in focusing on trying to hit the right notes or memorizing words (which I'm really terrible at, I must say) and playing the right chords (which is why I prefer not to play guitar and sing at the same time) that I don't let myself connect with the meanings of the songs or express the emotions behind them.

And that's possibly the most important part.  It's how you tell the story and connect with people.

I love that.

I'm not depressed, I promise.

But I've been listening to Ella Fitzgerald a lot lately, and I really like her voice and her songs.



And ever since my voice teacher had me practice singing "Gravity" by Sara Bareilles, I've watched a number of her YouTube videos and found a deeper respect for her talent.  She's craaaaaazy good, and I love the spunk and attitude she has in her songs.



I mean, come on, what artist do you know can do this as a cover of Beyonce's "Single Ladies" - and not only re-interpret it, but execute it so well?

It's artists like these two ladies that make me want to throw my hands up and say, "Forget it, I'm not worthy."  Not even close.

Hard conversation.

Sometimes I don't like crying because people think they know what I'm crying about when really, they have no idea. And I'm not in a place where I can tell them what I'm actually crying about.

I don't even really know how to describe it here. I was just talking to a friend I care deeply about today, and our discussion raised so much sadness in me about so many things so quickly that crying pretty much caught me off-guard. I didn't know what else to say.

It was one of those times where if I had a holding cross, I'd be squeezing it tightly in my hand.

I see people on the corner holding their signs

People in the road forming a picket line

Want the world to know they're here

Trying to make their message clear

I honk for peace and hear them cheer

Watch them smile from my rearview mirror

Keep on driving, just pass on by

I'll honk again at the next sign

It's hard to face reality, so I'll just keep on dreaming

It's plain to see we don't have the answers

But we think we know, and so it goes

It's plain to see we don't have it together

But we think we know, and so it goes on

Students in the green arms intertwined

Candles lit, swaying side to side

Show the world that we're aware

But we're not going anywhere

I can't remember which petition I signed

But I sleep pretty well each night

Knowing that I've done my share in showing everyone I care

It's hard to face reality, so I'll just keep on dreaming

It's plain to see we don't have the answers

But we think we know, and so it goes

It's plain to see we don't have it together

But we think we know, and so it goes on

But while we're standing in the streets

They're fighting off disease

I'm in the comfort of my bed

Not dealing with a shred

Of this war between nations and this war against nature

It's a battlefield that I've never seen

It's plain to see we don't have the answers

But we think we know, and so it goes

It's plain to see we don't have it together

But we think we know, and so it goes on

And so it goes on

O must it go on

--Dreaming of Peace, by Jenny & Tyler

Cherry on top.

I wanted to write a post two days ago but I was still trying to figure out what it was that I wanted to say, how I could identify what was going on in my head, and how I could share that here.

On Monday I had lunch with an old friend from high school (wow, I can't believe I'm old enough to actually say that I had an old friend). We get together occasionally when I'm on break and come home. He's one of those people from high school I have found that makes the occasional effort to reach out to me to meet up and actually follow through with it, even if I didn't first reach out to him. It's something I've appreciated about him. This time, though, I had the chance to initiate with him.

Usually I'm wary about meeting up with high school friends because I feel like I sometimes let myself get poured back into the mold and placed on a pedestal of perfection that people in high school so often put me in. I'd soak up the glory without pointing back to God, who is the source of why I was the way I was in high school and why I am the way I am today.

But this time it felt slightly different. Maybe it was because I prayed differently than I normally would before meeting up with old high school friends. Maybe it was because of how God has working in my heart at this point in my life. Maybe it was because of just where my friend was in his life. Who knows?

It seemed like my friend was still his same old self, or trying to be, but at the same time he seemed more defeated. I could tell he's getting weary of fighting the world and fighting himself. I could see it even though he was trying to cover it. My heart was breaking deeper than the other times we've met up and deeper than our friendship during high school.

He wanted to fill a deep void and was looking in all the wrong places. Names and faces of so many others who were doing the same on college campuses flashed through my mind.

I don't even remember half of what I asked him or said in my response to his questions. All I know is that the least I could do was to be completely honest - no God-censored, self-centered answers - and pray.

"Are you happy? You seem happy," he said to me at some point while we were walking to a bakery for dessert.

His question and observation struck me. I had not used the word "happy" to describe myself for a really, really long time (until one time recently), I think because I found when I was younger that I didn't want to pursue something like happiness that was so fickle and only came around like a fair-weather friend. I wanted to pursue something deeper and richer and deeply satisfying that would sustain me no matter what the weather of my life was like. I've been spending a lifetime pursuing the pure joy, peace, hope and love that only Christ can give. Happiness didn't even matter. It was just a bonus if it ever came around.

"I'm not happy all the time," I told him. "But I'm content whether or not I'm happy."

Mish-mash of thoughts from the past week.

You're love never fails.

"Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you."

I love Libby.

What a crazy weekend.

Just give it time, it's gonna get better. Now is not forever at all.

I took about 10 steps outside my building without shoes on April 5th and my feet were dying - I can't even begin to imagine what those kids go through every single day.

I'm employed.

Dreaming all the time - it's not foolish.

I am constantly drawn to my knees in prayer in the presence of a holy God.

Detachment.

Life-changing decisions. Key word, "changing."

I can't wait to get started with fundraising.

You give the healing and praise our hearts always hunger for.

Awesome - my friend from my Urbana small group is also coming on staff with me.

I do not have to walk through life alone.

"When we say, 'It's not fair' or 'Life isn't fair,' what we're really saying is, 'I'm not getting what I want.'"

God has been ever faithful. I just look at all the beautiful things He has done in my life and think, "How could I not be thankful?"

There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning.

New song in progress!

I'm really excited about it.

People have been asking me how I approach writing songs - particularly if I write the music or the lyrics first. Of course, I've been so tainted so that whenever I hear the phrase "music and lyrics" I think of Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant duking it out about which one of those elements was more important in their romantic comedy, "Music & Lyrics." You might think it kind of ruins it, but I think in a way they kind of make a point that it's pretty much a marriage of the two that makes the song a song.

And I guess that's kind of how I start coming up with songs, too. I don't come up with the music or lyrics in its entirety right away. It either starts with a spark of inspiration or this itching to write a song, or both. Maybe a particular phrase or word catches my ear, or I'll start playing around with my guitar to see if something strikes a chord in me (hahahahaha pun totally intended!).

It's like ice skating: you slide one foot forward and then the other. For me it'll be a little phrase of words or music that glide forward, allowing space for the other to slide forward. And soon its gets into this rhythm where things just start flowing. Sometimes I'll re-work something or whatnot, but if I have a relative idea of direction and the inspiration, I'll be excited enough to keep going until I think it's ready to say hello to the world.

Stuck in my head.

The line, "How refreshing to know You don't need me, how amazing to find that You want me" plays over and over in my head.

Casting Crowns, In Me

Music & lyrics

Warning: an extra unnecessarily long post - one of the ramifications of not blogging for a while.

There are a number of things I've been thinking about lately that kind of fall under this theme of music and lyrics because these thoughts kind of intertwine with one another in some shape or form.

In case you don't really know me, I like to sing...a lot. I sing almost everywhere/anywhere except the shower (ironic, right? That's where most people actually like to sing). I try to sing softly so that people won't hear me, and there are times when I'm aware that people are listening and I want to stop so they don't get annoyed or think I'm some weirdo, but I just can't help it sometimes. Singing gets me from place to place, bridges the gaps that don't make sense to me, and it's just fun. And singing softly just makes me feel like I'm holding back.

Although, there are some other things that hold me back from singing all out. One is the fact that I'm terrible at recalling lyrics unless I'm very purposeful and disciplined at learning them. I've sung/played Lifehouse's Everything song a bajillion times, but I still don't know the words or the order of the verses by heart. I don't even think I know the lyrics to my own songs.

Or at least, I'm not very confident that I do know them. I haven't disciplined myself to try and play & sing the songs without the words/chords in front of me. I probably do know them. I just don't think I do.

A couple of weeks ago I performed in Dickinson's Talent Show, playing one of my original songs, and I was a teensy bit frustrated at myself that I wasn't confident enough to play my songs without the pages in front of me. I feel like all other musicians can play their songs on the spot in a snap, but I have to have my computer in front of me to make sure I don't make a mistake.

Just typing all of this out makes me realize the simple solution is to practice. I need to practice playing/singing songs without the music. Duh.

I also feel like it's important because lyrics in general are really important to me. I love melodies and harmonies...but maybe it's because I'm more proficient in English than music because lyrics to me give music more depth and meaning. Instrumental music alone lets everyone take their own path to understanding, but lyrics kind of say, "Hey this is my story. Would you be willing to let me guide you through it? As you listen, can you see and feel what I see and feel?"

Although, the other thing that holds me back from singing all out is my guitar playing. I can manage to play and sing at the same time, but my mind is so concerned about my inadequate guitar playing that I don't focus as much on singing, which leads to more singing mistakes. If I had my way, I'd have an uber awesome guitar player that I could stick in my pocket and pull out anytime I wanted to sing a song. I only play guitar because I feel like I have to. The marriage of music and lyrics just isn't the same when you separate them. In the same way lyrics give music more depth of meaning, the right music gives lyrics a solid foundation and a vehicle that everyone can take a ride in.

I have some thoughts on Christmas songs and their lyrics, too. But I will save that for a different post.

Ugh. This post is getting way too long. I have more to say but I will say them later.

Press Secretary of InterVarsity.

I was talking to someone last week about the craziness from the beginning of the semester, and they said, "Well, at least you have this week off. That'll be a nice break, right?"

I laughed. I said, "Yeah, it'll be a nice break. I'll actually get some time to sit down and actually get some work done."

And depending on your definition of work, it varies. But it's true, I did get some tedious & frustrating work done - I re-designed the entire BingIV blog, entered hundreds of emails into the Bing Listserv, searched through those hundreds of emails numerous times to correct the misspelled ones, and learned how to use MailChimp to ease my use of emailing only to find out that my free limit was 500 contacts and I had 506 and was expecting more throughout the semester.

Yup, I major in InterVarsity. But I do it because I know it's important and that makes it more fun for me to do, knowing I can contribute in a way that no one else does. I like to think of myself as the Press Secretary of InterVarsity.

Which makes me think of CJ Cregg, the White House Press Secretary in The West Wing. I identify with her - and I think even though she looks so cool and collected, she probably sometimes feels lonely, burdened with issues and roles that she both loves and worries about.

I've been listening to some of the songs I've written over the past four years. Most people feel weird participating in their own work in any kind of way - eating their own food, tasting their own baked goods, watching their own movies, reading their own writing, listening to their own music, etc. Strangely enough, I don't (at least, in private...in public I do) because a) I listen to my own recordings to hear things I could improve and b) they mean a lot to me.

And listening to them...I don't know. It makes me think about why I wrote them (if I remember) and how they strangely still apply to me even if I wrote them years ago.

I don't know how I feel about that.

Well, I also had this strange urge to listen to Mandy Moore's "It's Gotta Be Love" from the A Walk to Remember soundtrack, so maybe I'm just in a weird funk and need to pray and wait it out.

I want a beautiful mind...and some beautiful cupcakes.

I find that it's a really beautiful thing to strive for the kind of mind that God had intended us to have.

When I'm constantly surrounded by movie trailers, magazines on racks, newspaper articles, tv commercials, strangers, co-workers, friends, family and more that try to influence me (intentionally or not) to look a certain way or act a certain way, there's a moment when the Holy Spirit whispers in the stillness that "It's okay not to be like that." I find that beautiful.

Lately instead of reading or listening to music I'll sit on the bus or train and just think. I've been feeling a strange kind of emptiness, and it feels wrong to fill it other kinds of words. So I'm trying to sit and listen, which is a pretty difficult thing to do in NYC. And then since I haven't been getting much sleep lately, I end up dozing off for a number of minutes without even realizing it. I hate that.

But it's interesting because every time I've always ended up being filled with such life in me by the time I get home, completely forgetting those moments of emptiness. Most of those times have been because I see Pam. I get so happy (giddy, even) just seeing her when she comes home or when we go home together or when we happen to be on the same bus (yeah, it's happened - so cool!). All the ways throughout my life that God has worked through her to give me life seems to resonate through her, whether she's in a good mood or not (most of the time she's real tired and doesn't want to talk). And I'm reminded of my fullness in Christ.

On a less serious but equally happy-intensifying note, I have a co-worker who bakes really yummy cupcakes from scratch. She sometimes brings some to work to share! They remind me of my dear old high school friend Andrea Kam. AKam, if you're reading this (although unlikely), I've been thinking about you!

Here's a half-eaten S'mores cupcake. I only realized/decided to take a picture to share with all of you halfway through, but this way you're also able to see the beautiful toasty graham cracker crust. And yes, that is a marshmallow-y yummy frosting.

And here's a pistachio cupcake. And I thought things couldn't get any better than a pistachio muffin. I was quite wrong. By the way, that frosting isn't whipped cream. I thought it was, but it's like a vanilla buttercream something frosting. SO GOOD.

My co-worker has also made a coconut banana chocolate cupcakes and oreo cupcakes, the oreo one being my very first of her cupcakes. Unfortunately I was engrossed in the actual consumption that subconciously I didn't want to share the beauty of the cupcakes with you until it rose to my conscious by the third cupcake. She put actual cookies in the oreo cupcake AND the crust, I might add. And the coconut banana one tastes a LOT better than it sounds. It was awesome.

Just so you know, she didn't make these every day in a week. This was over the course of June/July, so hopefully I've worked off all the cupcake-aftermath by now.

...probably not, though. So sad. But soooo goooood!

Catching Clouds

I'm itching so bad to write a new song.
I'm terrible at coming up with good melodies on the guitar because I don't know that many chords and don't really practice enough to stretch the skill. But I love trying to come up with lyrics. I guess it makes sense for my personality and skills.

I'm performing for the Singer/Songwriter Tent at Spring Fling on May 1st, and I realize that I haven't really written a new song since I last performed there last year. So sad. And really, I haven't written a song I particularly really like to perform except "Girl." And I already played that one last year. So now I don't know what to play.

There a few ideas swimming around in my mind, but it's like jumping up and catching clouds in a jar - not really that easy at all. When I think I caught something, I close the jar only to find that the cloud melted into droplets of condensation streaking down the sides of the jar. And the clouds keep moving in the sky even though it doesn't seem like it. I guess I gotta stand still, point at the sky and say, "Ooh, that one looks like a..." And then write it down. See what happens.

Radio of Songs and Thoughts in my Mind

This morning it was a fight to get up
Those words still ringing in my head
I never felt like such a fool in front of anyone
I guess that's what you do when you love someone.

If I fall, I'll try a little harder to get back up
Please stay by me, love,
That's what you do when you love someone.
That's what you do when you love someone.

When You Love Someone // _Bethany Dillon

Still waters, heavy hearts
Plans we make all fall apart
Disillusioned, lost in the gray
How can we fix the heart when it breaks?
Don't know how much more you can take.

Just Give it Time // _Jon McLaughlin

She loves her momma's lemonade
Hates the sounds that goodbyes make
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her
She swears that there's no difference
Between the lies and compliments
It's all the same if everybody leaves her

She would change everything, everything, just ask her
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home

Beautiful Disaster // _Jon McLaughlin

"I give up"
Are the words on the sign
I'm tempted to put
On the door
To the thoughts
Of my mind.
Lock them up,
Swallow the small hard-earned key,
Roll with the punches,
Take the heat
Give it time
Let it be.

"Yet even now," declares the Lord,
Return to me with all your heart,
with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;
and rend your hearts and not your garments."
Return to the Lord your God,
for He is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love;
and he relents over disaster.
--Joel 2:12-13

This is what it means.

I miss writing stories, using my imagination to take me away from here.
I miss reading for fun - especially right before I go to sleep.
I miss baking and feeding people.
I miss watching One Tree Hill and Gilmore Girls with Michelle.
I miss Pam, but so does everyone else.
I miss simplicity and clarity.
I miss freshman year BTB.
I miss rocking out on the drums.
I miss progress.
I miss beautiful stars and breath-taking sunsets.
I miss waking up on the first alarm and smiling at the sun.
I miss being well rested.
I miss having nothing to do.
I miss my high school friends.
I miss learning to follow and follow well.
I miss sharing with others what I learn in school.
I miss writing songs.

Is this what it means to lay your life down for your friends?
Is this what it takes to rely fully on God?
Is this what it means to die to yourself for the sake of Christ?
Is this what Jesus meant when He said, "Feed my sheep," and "Tend my lambs"?
Is this what I have to let go of in order to take on hope?

You break through my deafness
Swing open the curtain
And I find the courage to get up and walk
I forget my weakness
For You’ve answered my loneliness
And through the mud on my eyes
I can see my Hope has come

Get Up and Walk // _Bethany Dillon

Right Upstairs.

Now that I've talked about everything out loud, I feel just stupid.
I feel like I've let Satan win a battle.
But then it feels silly because I know my Lord has already won the war, however much cliche that sounds.

I feel stupid because I pretty much already knew the answers to the feelings I've been having.

One of the little girls I was babysitting yesterday was a really good 1-year-old named Natalie. She is so cute and just an overall really good kid. But at one point her older sister, 3-year-old Hannah, wanted to go see her dad, and because she wanted to, Natalie realized her dad wasn't around also and started crying.

I'd hold her and at times I'd find something to occupy her or I'd sing to her to calm her down, but it got to a point where nothing would satisfy her, and yet there was nothing inherently wrong. She knew she'd be fine where she was - she had been doing fine for the past hour - but she just was so sad that her dad wasn't there and her dad was what she wanted.

That's how I felt yesterday. Nothing seemed explicitly wrong, and I knew the answers to my questions, and had the faith to conquer the doubt, but I was just so sad that something wasn't there and I didn't know what that something was that I wanted.

But now I feel quite silly because I feel like a selfish little baby who only thinks about herself thinking that her Daddy left her here with no answers.
But really her Daddy left her with someone He trusts to show her the same love He does knowing that if I really want to know the answers to my questions, He's right upstairs for me to ask.

Give me something brighter
Give me something I can see
Give me something vicious
Give me something I can be
Give me all the love and peace
To end these wars
Give me something sacred
Something worth fighting for

It's clear enough to me
The ugliness I see
Is evidence of who I need

Give me an answer
Give me a way out
Give me the faith
To believe in these hard times

Give me motivation
Give me all my heart's desires
Show me something gorgeous
Show me 'til my eyes get tired

These Hard Times // _needtobreathe

GOOD song :D

My iTunes is on shuffle when I listen to it.
When I was listening yesterday, this song came up, and although it's always been a favorite of mine, it particularly speaks to me because I think it's my summer theme song :]

If you guys have never heard of Ginny Owens, something special about her testimony as an artist and Christian is that she's blind but she plays the piano beautifully and sings beautifully as well.

Just wanted to share it with you guys. Go give it a listen!



The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to

If You Want Me To // _ginny owens

Michelle, can you accompany this song for me to sing one day?

Oh, and I just realized: Happy August, everybody :D