Right Upstairs.

Now that I've talked about everything out loud, I feel just stupid.
I feel like I've let Satan win a battle.
But then it feels silly because I know my Lord has already won the war, however much cliche that sounds.

I feel stupid because I pretty much already knew the answers to the feelings I've been having.

One of the little girls I was babysitting yesterday was a really good 1-year-old named Natalie. She is so cute and just an overall really good kid. But at one point her older sister, 3-year-old Hannah, wanted to go see her dad, and because she wanted to, Natalie realized her dad wasn't around also and started crying.

I'd hold her and at times I'd find something to occupy her or I'd sing to her to calm her down, but it got to a point where nothing would satisfy her, and yet there was nothing inherently wrong. She knew she'd be fine where she was - she had been doing fine for the past hour - but she just was so sad that her dad wasn't there and her dad was what she wanted.

That's how I felt yesterday. Nothing seemed explicitly wrong, and I knew the answers to my questions, and had the faith to conquer the doubt, but I was just so sad that something wasn't there and I didn't know what that something was that I wanted.

But now I feel quite silly because I feel like a selfish little baby who only thinks about herself thinking that her Daddy left her here with no answers.
But really her Daddy left her with someone He trusts to show her the same love He does knowing that if I really want to know the answers to my questions, He's right upstairs for me to ask.

Give me something brighter
Give me something I can see
Give me something vicious
Give me something I can be
Give me all the love and peace
To end these wars
Give me something sacred
Something worth fighting for

It's clear enough to me
The ugliness I see
Is evidence of who I need

Give me an answer
Give me a way out
Give me the faith
To believe in these hard times

Give me motivation
Give me all my heart's desires
Show me something gorgeous
Show me 'til my eyes get tired

These Hard Times // _needtobreathe