Today I stopped by the Jazzman's Cafe like I normally do, sat down, and started continuing where I left off reading earlier that day. But before I could even comprehend the words I just read, I suddenly heard, "It is God's mission."
I sat still for a second, thinking, "Whaaaat?" and I connected it to this feeling of immense pressure that had somehow been building up - either by own sense of insecurities and/or by the insecurities touched upon by those close to me - in regards to my future. I was crying out to God just the day before that I so desperately wanted to hear His voice or somehow be assured of His direction, His calling, or just the next step to give some clue as to where I'm supposed to go next. I knew in my head and in my heart that all I wanted was to obey Him and glorify Him wherever He was leading me. I knew in my head and my heart that even if it was scary or insecure in the world's eyes or seemingly impossible, I wanted to do it if it meant obeying Him.
Just because it feels right doesn't mean it is right, and just because people you trust tell you to do something doesn't mean you should. At the same time, you shouldn't just do things to be defiant or try to prove something.
When I heard "It's God's mission," it felt like this huge burden had been lifted from my chest. My future wasn't about me. It was about God. If I really believed that God was bigger than my worries about my future, then I can have confidence in Him. I trust where He's been leading me and that He's not driving me into a place where He will abandon me, leaving me out to dry. I knew that in my head but didn't really believe it in my heart.
My security rests in Him. Nothing else can stand its ground.
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