coffee spontaneity

i think i bought coffee spontaneously in honor of michelle's birthday today - a caramel latte from the union. it was yummy! and then i was in my room drinking it and some of it splattered a bit on the papers i was reading so it made these small coffee stains and i said to myself, "cool! i never thought i'd ever make coffee stains on paper before. i feel so sophisticated." lOlz what a loser :P
haha small things like that amuse me and make me happy.

i realize i've neglected my love of reading.
my academics have been only alright since coming to college. after every semester so far i've been like, "oh man i could do so much better," but then when the new semester starts i start off strong and eventually let it get the best of me.

i'm tired of me doing that.
i'm tired of me having a lot of habits that i always say i want to change but don't actually do.
it's partially why i'm particularly stressed sometimes but don't really realize it. there's so many things changing all at once. like, i want to change my eating/heath habits. i want to make friends outside of IV and learn to love and care about them just as much as i care and love my IV friends. i want to do my best in school. i want to talk to and show my friends back home that i care about them and love them and miss them. i want to learn to invest in others. i want to learn to not depend on myself so much.
but i know i can't do it all. but i've been trying to do it all and i feel like i fail because i can't do it all.