"Unto the breach"

Whenever the thought of going through my graduation ceremonies came to mind, I had the attitude of dragging my feet. I didn't really care about the pomp and circumstance, and I would think about how much I would rather be at Basileia as an induction into the InterVarsity staff world and witness first-hand how God would move and change my chapter.

I subconsciously tried to drag out my stay as an undergraduate that I did such a poor job of packing up my things. I packed everything really slowly and didn't really label or separate my belongings that well. My family had to make two trips out to my apartment to drop off my stuff before packing up the car with the rest of my things for the summer, and my mom packed up a drawer of mine that I hadn't touched while we went to do that. She did it without me asking her to, but I was frustrated that that was the first time I've ever needed help packing.

But instead of dragging my feet through this weekend, I instead had these

feelings of loss and gain, which I guess is expected. I've already been in the process of detaching myself mentally and emotionally, so it didn't really hit my like a ton of bricks, but it wasn't really so much of a sadness of loss of friends or experiences. It was more of a loss of the potential. Usually at the end of the

semester or the end of the year I would assess what goals I had not accomplished and knew exactly what I wanted to work on for the next time, taking into consideration the changes and factoring in the sense of expecting the unexpected as well. The loss of potential marks that there's more to factor in with expecting the unexpected. It's a little less structured and familiar. I have a small idea what I'd like life to look like, but chances are it'll be just different from what I picture. I don't feel sad or feel like I'm losing my friends - it just looks like our roles in each other's lives will look different.

With the sense of gain, I'm ready and completely excited for the adventure of life. Even though I'm hitting uncharted territory, I'm not completely wandering. God has blessed me completely throughout these past four years and has led me to the next steps in my life. I look forward to taking on new roles and exploring what God has in store for me.

Graduation has definitely brought me to a huge sense of gratitude. So big in fact, that I wouldn't even know where to begin thanking people.

I am super grateful that Libby & my grandma came up with the rest of my family to be a part of my graduation. I haven't really appreciated my grandma that much until recently in the last few years. She understands a lot more than you think she does, and it's awesome how she's able to get around at her age. And she's just really cute. She doesn't speak much English, but when she does it's really funny and just makes you smile. Even when my mom or someone in my family translates what shes talking about, it makes you smile, too. You don't need translators or language to understand how much she cares about you and how much she wants to know more about your life.

I went up to her apartment to drop her off and she gave me a card and said, "I'm very happy. You make me very happy. You make me very, very happy." I couldn't have asked for anything more :]

I am so exhausted. I'll probably tackle my mess a little later today. I decided to watch an episode of Gilmore Girls, the one where Rory graduates from Yale. The seventh/final season of GG isn't very good at all, and I'm not a huge fan of Rory's character or Alexis Bledel's acting throughout the series (particularly this season), but it seemed appropriate since I seem to be identifying with Rory in some ways recently.