As I've been gaining a better understanding of what the Advent season is really all about (this article also helps explain a little of what I've been learning), I've been starting to make some connections to my own season of life.
It's been a process of recognizing how our hope and anticipation of the coming of Christ does not stem out of this happy, easy-going, I-can-see-gifts-under-the-tree-and-can't-wait-to-open-them type of waiting. Instead, it stems out of a period of darkness, suffering, and silence. Advent is a season of spiritual preparation; a longing; a desire for that which is yet to come, and it is not here yet. And this year the hope of the coming of Jesus has been evoking a much deeper response in me than simply to celebrate Jesus' birth like any other birthday, do good deeds, and extend my thanks and give good gifts.
There's simply something deeper and richer about the season of Advent that I had never learned before.
While I may not have been exiled from my land or suffered deeply as the Israelites have, it seems as though following Jesus has led me on an exodus into the wilderness, leaving behind almost everything I know and find comfort in. Geographically, I've left my NYC hometown and my college hometown for a completely new location. Relationally, I've left behind my friends and family to a community I have to develop and adjust to. Vocationally, I've left behind familiar students of a familiar campus culture to lead students I've never led before in a campus culture I know next to nothing about. Personally, I've left behind all of who I thought I was for a completely clueless twenty-something who tries really hard not to just drift through life but can't seem to get a grip on anything.
And spiritually, I have felt more disconnected from God than I ever have in my life thus far. With these changes in life and marriage I've been forced again and again to come face to face with my selfishness and sinfulness. It's been difficult to experience God's presence and grace, even with the knowledge of them in my mind.
But I've been holding on to the hope that God is with me, even in the darkness. And it's only been within the last few weeks where He has been helping me now start to see that things are getting better, slowly but surely. There is progress in all areas of my life; despite how subtle and undramatic the progress has been, it is progress nonetheless. The darkness still surrounds me, but the small light from a candle all the way at the other end of the unknown and uncertainty is enough to help me keep going, and keep holding on.
So as I prepare to enter the official Advent season, I've been trying to come up with creative Advent calendar ideas to help me press in to this season of recognizing the Israelites' preparation and longing for the Messiah, as well as my own today. And while Pinterest has some really cute and crafty ideas, they don't really hit home for helping me engage and go deeper. But we'll see what happens. I'm sure God will use whatever I come up with to encounter Him and worship Him.
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