Whether or not you've known me for a long time or for not very much time at all, chances are you haven't heard me raise my voice - our of anger, frustration, or stress. I'm pretty sure I rarely (not never!) express any of those things by raising my voice, or even yelling. You might see them in my facial expressions, but I can't think of the last time I've had an outburst. Even if I had an outburst, I probably didn't realize I was having it until after the fact.
At home with Nathan, though, I'm very comfortable with raising my voice when I'm angry or frustrated, and I'm very aware that I'm doing it.
Now, you may be thinking, "Why the discrepancy?" Part of it may be a subconscious effort to compose myself in public - not necessarily because of insecurities, but that my anxiousness about making others feel uncomfortable, awkward, or shaken easily outweighs my desire to express my anger or frustration. Part of it is simply because it takes a LOT to get me so angry or frustrated to a point where I'd yell.
But with Nathan, it's easy for me to get annoyed to the point where I want to yell. We're so different in so many ways - the way we think, the way we process information, the way we make decisions, the way we interact with people, the whole shebang - that we easily misunderstand and miscommunicate with each other, and get on each other's nerves.
In fact, this may sound weird, but I like the fact that I raise my voice and/or yell when I'm upset with Nathan. Don't get me wrong - it's not that I enjoy conflict or am happy when I get frustrated. Oh, no, no, no, no indeed. It's the fact that I feel comfortable enough with Nathan to express my frustration. Especially for someone like me who came from a culture and a home where issues were often swept under the rug, passive aggressiveness was the common route of conflict avoidance to take, and yelling at someone when angry or frustrated felt wrong to me, I have a better sense of freedom now. I have the safe space to learn how to fully engage these kinds of conflicts without necessarily hurting others or myself.
There's a sense of freedom also because there's security in our commitment to love each other. It feels okay to engage Nathan in our conflicts head on because I'm not afraid he'll leave or throw in the towel in our marriage when either of us are upset or we face conflicts.
I'm not saying I'm any expert on dealing with conflict now, but I've definitely grown tremendously since I've been with Nathan, and even more so being married to him. I've been recognizing my own wrong attitudes or actions more quickly, and am able to ask for forgiveness in a more timely manner, as opposed to letting my pride fester in lies or burying my emotions with the time that has passed. Facing our faults together definitely makes the healing process come a little faster and in a healthier way, and I think it makes us stronger.
Forgiveness. Diminishing your pride and taking up humility to ask for forgiveness really does seem to be the key to a thriving marriage. Or any relationship, for that matter. And isn't that one of the biggest things Jesus exemplified in His great love for us?
No comments:
Post a Comment