Living a good story.

After months of traveling and craziness, Nathan and I are finally here in Rochester to stay.  I of course miss my NYC family and friends and I appreciate those who continue to send me off with joy and encouragement even though they miss me and know I'm far away.  Thanks for not forgetting me, friends.  But it's time to commit and be in one place for a while.

I've been noticing that one of the symptoms of my life changes/transitions is how I often suffer a bad case of FOMO (fear of missing out) when I think of my friends and family in NYC and what they're up to.  And the fact that I know practically no one - or at least, don't know people very well - in Rochester makes it tempting to doubt why I came here in the first place.

It also feels like I've been living in a lull.  Now, I hesitate to say that because it has such negative connotations and makes it seem like my life is boring or nonproductive.  So maybe “lull” is the wrong word.  Maybe it’s more like a pause button.  Kind of like the pause a comma is supposed to make when you read.  Except this pause feels like it has overstayed its welcome.  

Even though I've accumulated a mountain of new books over the past few months during my travels and actually haven't increased my reading pace at all because I haven't been reading all that much, I've recently decided to re-read Donald Miller's A Million Miles and a Thousand Years.  I wanted to read it for a bit of inspiration and to go back to the root of the theme of my wedding:  the desire to live out a good story.

As I was reading this past week, Miller said this:

“I’ve wondered, though, if one of the reasons we fail to acknowledge the brilliance of life is because we don’t want the responsibility inherent in the acknowledgement.  We don’t want to be characters because characters have to move and breathe and face conflict with courage.  And if life isn’t remarkable, then we don’t have to do any of that; we can be unwilling victims rather than grateful participants.”

It seemed to resonate with this feeling I've been having these past few weeks.  Maybe it's more like that feeling where you've been running or moving at full speed ahead with such power, force, and momentum that if you suddenly come to a complete halt, you get this really strange feeling that you should keep moving.  That's part of what it is.  But at the same time, I think it's more than that.  I think Miller's quote resonated with me because this pause has fed into my nervousness about this new chapter of life.  I don't have wedding plans or crazy travel schedules in the immediate future to hide behind as excuses for stress.  Now I just have to face the unknown head on, and there's this glitch of hesitancy.  I've already overcome conflict after conflict, and I've moved and moved and moved over this past year.  It's tempting and easy to sit back and become an unwilling victim.      

But Miller goes on to say that the essence of a good story is "a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it.”  And so, if I want to live out a good story with my life, I need to move and breathe and face conflict with courage.  I need to be a grateful participant who figures out what I want (in light of what God wants) and would be willing to overcome conflict to get it.  I can't just sit back, get through the day, and bide my time.  Life is precious and as Craig Groeschel said during the Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit, "If you're not dead, you're not done."

I have been saying "yes" to Jesus.  I am married and I am here because this is where He led me.  The windows and doors are open before me and my directions are already pretty clear.  The obstacles and conflicts are inevitable, but with the authority of Christ I can surely overcome them.

Let's do this.  Let's live a good story.