Introverts, speak up!

By definition, we put our attention and get our energy from spending time with our inner world of ideas and images.  It doesn't automatically mean we're shy, it doesn't automatically mean we're anti-social, and it doesn't automatically mean we are less important and should become extrovert converts.  Everybody spends some time extroverting and some time introverting.  The Myers-Briggs personality type measures tendencies or  preferences, not trait, ability or character.  And in the world of discussing personality types, I feel like we introverts end up defending ourselves and our behaviors.

It does not, however, give us the excuse to prevent us from being vulnerable with others.

In fact, because we spend so much time in our heads, I believe it is necessary to share our honest thoughts and feelings with others.

Now, I'm not saying we introverts should conform to be more like extroverts.  I'm not suggesting we should change our restorative process or spend less time thinking or should try externally processing instead of internally processing.  I'm suggesting that we may be tempted more often than not to use our introverted personality type to keep our burdens to ourselves, stunt the growth of certain relationships in our lives and therefore isolate ourselves.  We may be tempted to exclude ourselves from experiencing true love and community.

Most of the time I think it stems from insecurities and fears.  The world of our own mind is closely connected to our hearts and therefore our thoughts and feelings are extremely precious to us.  We're scared that people will not handle our thoughts and feelings as sacredly as we do.  We're anxious that people will judge us.  So we find that in order to share those thoughts and feelings openly with someone, it needs to be someone we can trust, takes us seriously, and listens carefully.

Sometimes we're just afraid to share our thoughts or feelings out loud because saying them out loud - especially for anyone else's ears to hear - will make the thought or feeling real.  Almost tangible, even.  They're not just words because they carry something precious to us, and when we share them they're out in the world and we can't take it back.   

I actually think sometimes we believe that sharing our thoughts and feelings (depending on what they are) will be a lose-lose situation for us:  we're afraid we'll be wrong and we're afraid we'll be right.  For example, in high school I had a hard time admitting to anyone that I was stressed out, didn't have everything together and often messed up because if I did, I was afraid I would be right; that I was stressed out, I didn't have everything together and often messed up.  And therefore, I was afraid I would be wrong; wrong to believe that I could live up to being the little ray of sunshine that everyone could rely on and that I could be this diligent, responsible, righteous superwoman all the time, everyday.  It would lead to an experience of humility and shame.

However, my dear introverted friends, there is freedom and hope we also miss out on if we keep these things to ourselves.  Sometimes the things that whirl around in our heads aren't based on God's biblical truths and cannot be dismantled by our own doing.  And sometimes we won't even know that we're perpetuating a false belief unless we share it with others.  Unfortunately, reading minds was not one of the ways God created us to communicate with one another.

Take a chance on our dear extroverted friends.  We spend a lot of time defending ourselves as introverts and not appreciating or celebrating our differences.  Being extroverted doesn't automatically mean they enjoy hearing themselves talk, or aren't good listeners.  In fact, I think they're sometimes the best ones to share your thoughts and feelings with even if they're not fully baked because they're very understanding of not needing every word to come out of your mouth to be exactly what you're trying to say or what you really think.  Sharing those half-baked thoughts and feelings can be stepping stones to getting to where you're really trying to go.

So what I'm saying is, I understand the need for space and time to think and process (oh believe me, I know).  But what I'm suggesting is that we need to try sharing during and after that process with those we share life with about what we've been mulling over so that others may receive the opportunity to serve you well and you can have the opportunity to experience a connection with others and God that we all need.

It may not always happen, and sometimes we may get hurt, but if you close the door to that risk of pain you also close the door to that chance of the freedom and joy you can gain with love.