Why should we have to wait for tragedy to strike too close to home before we're driven to live the life we would live if it was our last day on earth?
I've read enough of the Bible, have seen enough movies and tv shows and heard enough stories from strangers, friends, and watching or reading the news to know that life is short. As someone not directly connected to those stories or situations, we may respond with a moment of shock or horror, but I think to a certain extent we've become desensitized to this reality - especially for those of us, like myself, who tend to be pretty removed from these situations.
I don't know what it feels like to lose a loved one. I can guess, I can imagine, I can try, but I honestly cannot deeply identify. Emotionally I've lost some dear friends whose friendships I've cared deeply about, but it's a very different kind of experience. In fact, the worst thing I could probably say to someone who lost a loved one is to say, "I totally understand," because that's a lie, and more often than not (though I can't assume everyone) people, especially if they're in a vulnerable and sensitive situations, do not appreciate being lied to.
Now, I'm not as well-read of a writer as people think I am (because of the assumptions associated with being a previous English major with a Creative Writing concentration and my general enjoyment of reading), and I'm not chock full of a ton of life experiences, but from my general (very general, I must emphasize) sense of the world, death changes the lives of those he or she had been connected to. Whether people's lives were touched negatively or positively (and sometimes neutrally), they are changed when someone who was connected (even if only by a thread) their life is suddenly gone.
Often a basic storyline provides the sense that at first glance, death smothers the chance of hope. It's often why I believe there's a sense of regret or guilt or sadness or anger from the one(s) still living - because they weren't satisfied with the way things were and now there is absolutely no chance for it to change.
But then the journey towards the climax and resolution of the story begins to unfold the truth that the character somehow does change - it may be a positive change or negative change, big or small, but it happens - and it happens in a way that makes one wonder if it would have happened if that death had not taken place.
The inspiring stories inspire us because of the positive impact they have and positive change they bring as a result of someone's life and death. For some it is a life-changing inspiration, but for many of us it's a short boost of bliss to get us through another day.
So I've wrestled with this before and thought, "Well, I'm someone who keeps jumping on the bandwagon of bliss and then jumps off when life gets tough or the daily grind makes me forget. Would my life look different if I knew I or someone I loved dearly was going to die today or tomorrow? Heck yes. My life would probably look better, in fact."
And then I'd ask myself, "Well, why should I have to wait until I or someone I care about comes close to death before I am driven to live the life I believe I want/should/need to live?" It seemed like to me, the fact of the reality is that we come close to death everyday. It's actually a miracle we get to wake up the next morning.
I heard this once (though I think worded a little differently): we often ask God why people had to die, but we should really be praising God for His mercy and grace to let us live! Think about these familiar lyrics: Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me! God is sovereign - He ultimately decides what to give and take away.
This is why uncovering my duplicity became so important to me and why I desire (though it doesn't always play out) to live an authentic life full of integrity and risks worthy to be taken. In order to fight the disparity of saying I believe something and then not acting upon it, I've slowly been disciplining myself to undergo a lifestyle that reflects the life I would pursue if I had very little time left. That discipline is why I wrestle with moving past my fears and strive, as difficult as it may be, not to be paralyzed by them.
I've shown this in a previous blog post (a LONG time ago), but I thought it was applicable enough to this particular post.
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