ALL KNOWING,
ALL SEEING,
ALL POWERFUL,
loving, gentle, merciful
FATHER of the heaven and earth, what will You tell me and show me during this time? Open my ears and my heart, that I may seek Your voice and Your voice alone.
I feel closest to God when I'm alone. You, God, are with me wherever I go. I forget You most when I'm with others. There is none like You. You never stop tenderly and relentlessly pursuing me.
Gracious Father, You have revealed Yourself to me in so many ways this past year.
Fall Semester '08: You've showed me the kind of impact our ordinary decisions (such as housing) can make. You began to really uproot and detangle how I relate to others in relation to You and how You love the people in my life, whether they're people I've been surrounded by my whole life, people I've just met, people I have an affinity towards, or people I have a hard time being around. One important thing I've been learning is that I cannot force others to change, but I can change my own attitude. God, only You have the power to mold people's hearts, to chip away what needs to be thrown out, and to smooth down the rough edges. I can only be the tool/instrument. And I have been learning about what kind of tool I am and what my purpose, function, and name is in Your bigger picture.
Spring '09: You've been continuing that by testing me and disciplining me in Your gifts, gifts of responsibility that You have entrusted so faithfully to me. And though I feel like I've failed You and have done a poor job and all I've been doing is complaining and whining about the gifts You've blessed me with, I know You still love me despite my weaknesses and flaws.
God, I know You chose me to be the administrator on this year's E-board. I didn't know that this was where You were leading me, but I followed and stepped out of the boat and onto the crashing waves, just like Peter did. And I stumbled out of a fear and looking and focusing on the water rather than You, just like Peter did. But God, you caught him. You saved him again because you loved him, just like You love me. And just like Moses, I often struggle with an identity crisis when it comes to my identity as Your adopted child in the family and body of Christ, as well as my place in the world You so love.
God, this summer, as I spend time "alone" with You, may my heart be open to the things you have been doing and will do to prepare me for next fall. Lead my heart and lead me, so that I may lead Your people. You know the fears I have of being the administrator, of being the praise leader, of coordinating the HTCHs, of my relationships close to me, of my relationships with those I barely know. You know my unknown fears and my known fears. I pray that through these fears and this desert this summer, You would continue to equip me and guide as You shape me to be more like You. It won't be easy. But I am perfect in Your eyes. I am valued and worthy to be called Your own. You are with me always and I desire for You to make my heart, my mind, and my life to look more like You everyday.
Please don't let these words just be words on this paper. Let them sink deep with my very soul so that Your truth would set me free from the sin that once held it captive.
Amen.
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