...Thanksgiving.
I don't know if you remember, but in one of my posts about Thanksgiving break, I recognized suddenly that there was a lot more to unpack from my mind than I realized I needed. It kind of feels the same way now.
It's like I've been walking in slow motion through a blur of fast-paced events, and it's only now beginning to clear up and settle down...and not really at the same time. I've been looking forward to this break for a while, thinking that I was going to chill out and do whatever I wanted.
But I'm starting to get sucked into the rush of doing things again, when all I really want to do is just stay home and go at my own pace for a little bit before I start getting pulled this way and that.
Of course, I also recognize that life doesn't always work out the pace I want it to go, so I've kind of just been floating along, letting the current take me where it wants me to go. Which for me, isn't always a healthy thing.
I don't know if you remember, but in one of my posts about Thanksgiving break, I recognized suddenly that there was a lot more to unpack from my mind than I realized I needed. It kind of feels the same way now.
It's like I've been walking in slow motion through a blur of fast-paced events, and it's only now beginning to clear up and settle down...and not really at the same time. I've been looking forward to this break for a while, thinking that I was going to chill out and do whatever I wanted.
But I'm starting to get sucked into the rush of doing things again, when all I really want to do is just stay home and go at my own pace for a little bit before I start getting pulled this way and that.
Of course, I also recognize that life doesn't always work out the pace I want it to go, so I've kind of just been floating along, letting the current take me where it wants me to go. Which for me, isn't always a healthy thing.
I learned that from my summer of solitude between sophomore and junior year. I tend to be like "a jar of river water all shaken up" and what I need is to "sit still long enough that the sediment can settle and the water can become clear," as her spiritual director tells Ruth Haley Barton in her book, Invitation to Solitude and Silence.
So I'm beginning to recognize that even though I've been having a relatively easy-going semester where I've been flexible and not as panicky or stressed out as I normally am, it's still very important for me to protect my sacred space of solitude and Sabbath. And even though I've practiced how to carry that through my everyday activities and decisions, I need to create time and space each day or each week to let things settle.
I think the lack of this discipline is one of the reasons why I've had a number of emotional breakdowns this semester, despite my relatively stable and even thriving mental and physical states.
In any case, just wanted you to be prepared. My posts might get more random than they already are, and they may end up being longer than I want it to be because there's so much going on - not only in my head but in my life around me. And of course, I don't put everything on my mind on this blog, so can you imagine all the cranial activity that I'm experiencing?
Ruth Haley Barton also says, "My life as a writer and speaker revolves around being able to make sense out of things by putting them into words." What a good book. Perhaps I should read it again.
So blog away I shall, but I will first start by physically clearing a space to unpack my mind. My room has gotten a little bit messy since I got home, and I haven't had the motivation to clean it until now.
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