practice makes perfect, but discipline molds character.

as most of you know, i hate running.

but, i end up making myself do it anyway, because i know it's good exercise.
(and believe me, considering the portions of food and how unhealthily i eat, i need the exercise all the more)

as most of you know, i hate washing dishes.
but, i make myself do it anyway, to take up my responsibility and to love others.

as most of you know, i hate talking on the phone for long periods of time.
but, i make myself do it anyway, to build the relationships i have with those who aren't nearby.

and it's funny, because as i was doing these things this weekend, i realized i don't really hate it as much as i used to. like, i still don't like any of those things, but i'm not as repulsed by it as i used to be.

as i was running today, towards that point where i started saying to myself, "i hate running. i hate running. can i stop now? how about now?" i managed to hear an encouraging voice that pushed me through (it sounded a lot like pam's, when we ran together). and i was like, hey look at that. i ran a lot better than last time.

and i thought about how much i disciplined myself to go running at night a few times a week since i've been here. i'm shocked. if i had my way, i'd never go.

but making the decision to go, and then taking steps to do a little more, go a little farther or a little faster each time, really changes over time.

i was washing the dishes my housemates left in the sink the other day, and i made me think about how i've always hated washing dishes, and how i started doing them anyway after college, even at times when i had the choice not to. i started doing them for other people whenever the opportunity came up because i wanted to show them i cared about them enough to do something i really hated doing. and i kept disciplining myself to do it. and time has gone on, and i did it over and over and over again, it started becoming automatic and i don't seem to mind it as much. it's become less of a thing to grumble about in my mind and more of thing to just do out of love, even if it means nothing to the other person, or if the person doesn't even notice.

the same thing happened with talking on the phone. i was a horrible long-distance communicator freshman year of college because i wasn't used to having to communicate in such a different way. back home i always saw my friends and family numerous times a week on a regular basis, so i've never found the need to call anyone or write anyone a letter, or send anyone an email. i've learned it's something that takes practice, discipline, initiative, and grace. it's easier, of course, when the efforts of communication is highly mutual, but when it isn't, that's where grace and patience come in. you keep trying. you don't have to stress over it, complain about it, or get frustrated over the other person not making the same effort. that's when you give that grace. but you keep trying, do something every once in a while, even if that person doesn't respond. that's what you do when you love someone (if i fall, i try a little harder to get back up. please stay by me, love, that's what you do when you love someone - haha i thought of this bethany dillon song when i said that). when you love someone, you give and give without expecting or desiring anything in return. that's what a gift is. a gift of grace.

but yeah, i've been disciplining myself over this past year to try a little harder, and my friends and family have been gracious and patient with me, but also have been continually making efforts as well.

now i know what it's like to experience growth and a deepening of relationships, even though there are miles between. and i love it. i email people all the time, will send something in the mail once in a while, and will talk on the phone randomly or on a regular basis. it's something i've been disciplining myself to do, pressing a little longer, pushing a little harder, and it's become more natural to do, and less of an obligation. these things are beginning to grow into things that i want to do.

and that's what i need to do everyday with spiritual disciplines. it may be easier to automatically speak to someone with an icy tone when i'm annoyed, or to just skip reading the Bible when i don't understand it. it may be easier to say, "oh, i want to go into publishing," rather than, "oh, i think God might want me to consider being an IV staff worker," or, "i don't know what God wants me to do in the future." it may be easier to pray for myself rather than pray for others. it may be easier just to stay in my room instead of hanging out with people i don't normally hang out with, or wander into one of my housemate's rooms, or be mad at my parents for not being the way i want them to be, or when they don't try to really listen to me.

but everyday we make a million choices, big and small. the big ones, they're a little more obvious, a little easier to catch. it's when we discipline ourselves in the small choices, the ones where we make a decision within a few minutes or even a split few seconds, and continually choose the pathway that Jesus would take, that it'll become more natural, and our character will start to look a lot more like His.

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
--Colossians 3:1-7

every morning, you choose your own clothes to wear that day.
let us choose to clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience to live the holy life Christ exemplified for us.