for real.

get to know the real God for real.
be real if you know the real God.

i've been reminded recently of how i need to make sure the God i talk about and share with others is the God i'm living for and the God that i'm learning more about everyday and the God that i'm learning to fall in love with.

if i believe that reading the Word is as important as eating food, then i need to read it.
if i believe that reading His Word gives guidance and truth and that we need to obey it, then i need to not only read it but live out what i believe.

how can i stand here with You and not be moved You?

if i truly want to know this God i believe in, if i truly want to learn what He wants from me everyday, if i want to be bold in speaking truth, then i have to know the truth, and i have to pursue Him wholeheartedly and fully.

i need to read His Word purposefully. i need to be genuine in my prayers, don't try to fake things, don't try to check "prayer" off of my imaginary list of things to do. either i mean it or i don't, and God's going to know the difference.

i'm glad marion came to visit from cornell. i know it was good for her, but i don't know if she knows this but it was good for me too. she speaks more wisdom and sense than she thinks she does.

on another note, it seems as though God may be telling me to stay in binghamton for the summer. this idea of assisting carrie with administrative stuff that has been mulling around for a while without intention has finally re-surfaced with action. a bunch of babysitting jobs came up suddenly yesterday, and i found a possible housing situation that comes with a job i already know how to do. everything seems flexible, everything seems up in the air. but if everything works out, it seems possibly too good to be true.

which worries me a little. but only a little.

because i know everything may "fall into place," but even so it'll be scary and a new experience. i'd pretty much need to take care of myself and be a little "on my own" if i stay here. i won't be in the comforts of home, with my best friends nearby and everyone taking care of me.

it'll be hard. a lot harder for me than people think.

it's also hard telling everyone back home that this is probably what my summer's going to look like.