two marshmallows, please.

so yes, i didn't come back to blog as i said i would, but that's why there was a "perhaps" in there. i wasn't sure if i'd be able to write the next day. apparently i didn't.

but, i have been picking up on my good discipline of journaling again. i opened my journal to find that the last time i had written was on february 22nd, 2008. how sad. journaling was an awesome thing for me, and for me to just stop makes me sad because i missed out on recording all the things i had been learning through that semester and this past summer. aiyah. oh well. at least i've begun to journal again. it feels good to be doing it again.

so basically, for the past few weeks there's been like a huge amount of stuff happening in my life that required some careful and important decision making. and if you know me, i'm not always the best decision maker, but usually i somehow manage to do alright because i'll try to handle it myself but then i'm like, "ummm...no. here God, take this," and let Him be the center of it.

for one of those decisions i felt at peace about it despite my worries and concerns. and it was good. but then that decision led to another decision i had to make, and that one definitely was the better decision, but that didn't mean i was completely happy about it.

for the past couple of days i've been discontented about it, and i didn't know how to find that contentment with the decision until today.

i was reading a book and found that the author included an article in it that spoke to me:

It turns out that a scientist can see the future by watching four-year-olds interact with a marshmallow. The researcher invites the children, one by one, into a plain room and begins the gentle torment. "You can have this marshmallow right now," he says. "But if you wait while I run an errand, you can have two marshmallows when I get back." And then he leaves.
Some children grab the treat the minute he's out the door. Some last a few minutes before they give in. But others are determined to wait. They cover their eyes; they put their heads down; they sing to themselves; they try to play games or even fall asleep. When the researcher returns, he gives these children their hard-earned marshmallows. And then, science waits for them to grow up.
By the time the children reach high school, something remarkable has happened. A survey of the children's parents and teachers found that those who as four-year-olds had the fortitude to hold out for the second marshmallow generally grew up to be better adjusted, more popular, adventurous, confident and dependable teenagers. The children who gave in to temptation early on were more likely to be lonely, easily frustrated and stubborn. They buckled under stress and shied away from challenges.

and bits of the author's response to this article were: developing the character necessary to delay gratification in small areas can translate into great success in other areas. the four-year-olds overcame their urge to eat the marshmallow because they had faith - they could envision the moment when the nice man in the white coat would come back with two marshmallows. they persevered because they trusted. so why shouldn't we snatch it up? because God promised something better.

if you read this book before, you might know what i'm talking about.

this marshmallow was placed in front of me, and i made the decision to not eat it until the man in the white coat came back. and though for the past few days i've been having trouble finding contentment in that decision, i know it's the better one and that i can be excited to wait for when the man in the white coat comes back with two. it's something to look forward to, and it definitely helps me learn to truly trust God and His timing. it's a huge test of faith, and i really want to pass it.

i realize that's something i was reminded of at basileia [ which makes me excited for basileia this year :D ], how greg jao talked about the need to let go of our "rights" to things and the other good things in our life in order to wait for the better plans God has in store for us. the anticipation of that excites me and helps me to overcome the desire to take the good things in front of me right now.

one marshmallow?
very tempting, but i'll wait for my two marshmallows thank you very much :]