uber long update

well, i've been feeling better lately. this semester has still been pretty weird, but ever since this past tuesday night i've been having a pretty good week. i don't know what was going on with me for the past few weeks, but it's alright. i don't have to always know why.

so let's see...wanna know what i've been doing tonight? well, this morning i woke up at 9 after going to sleep at 3 [yes, i know. not helping my whole losing sleep business], in order to do some work and catch up on stuff. i was able to finish up one part of the Evangelism Training Course i've been participating in by listening to an audio seminar. i learned a lot from it. i'll share about that in another blog for another day. i was also able to start my 4-6 page essay for my fiction-into-film class due this tuesday. i only finished an outline though. then i took a break by making some lunch and watching an episode of gilmore girls :]
i wanted to practice some koinonia songs, but karen was sleeping the whole time so i couldn't.

then for the rest of the afternoon, ohhh man it was a blast. from 2:30 until like, 5 or 5:30ish? i jammed with the IV praise team! we needed to practice because we're going to play for the interfellowship retreat next week. but they asked us to take up an HOUR of praise! that's craziness! but we'll be fine. we have two sets. i'm playing drums for the first set and singing for the second set. it was really fun. just hours and hours of jamming with my brothers and sisters and praising God was really awesome. plus, we had some excellent supporters/spectators who kept busy in the back. and we were playing in lecture hall one! the crazy big lecture hall! we had so much space and everything. it was great. the only sad part is i was the only girl singing. i thought joanna was going to sing with me, but apparently not. and i have to lead the first two songs! aiyahhhhhhhhhh. my voice cracked so many times. it was not good. those songs are so darn high. it wasn't good to me, but it was still fun. i'm really excited for when we play next week, but realize we have to practice after large group next friday and that's going to take FOREVER. i know i'm going to be dead tired. but i know it'll be fun at the same time.

michelle and i are craving chinese food so desperately. today would've been the perfect night. right after practice we were HUNGRY so if it wasn't for michelle's previous obligations, we could've just ordered and sat in and relaxed and ate yummy chinese food. but oh well. we're planning to order on monday so i'm looking forward to that :]

and now i'm in my room by myself. karen went to see boaz's orchestra concert which i really really really wanted to go see, but considering my schedule tomorrow, i will have no time to work on my essay nor practice koinonia songs. so i had to sacrifice something i wanted to attend. i'm really sorry, boaz :[

yes, so i've been practicing koinonia songs for the past fews nights intensely because it kind of hit me during the last practice on thursday that i really needed to step it up with that. when i join something, i am ALL in. and i really wasn't putting my all into it, not realizing that i'm really not good at memorizing music. and it hit me on thursday: if i can't even remember the words of my own songs very well...how am i supposed to memorize all this CRAZY music & lyrics for koinonia?! what did i get myself into?! but i decided i just needed to make it a bigger priority and make the time to practice intensely. so that's just what i've been doing. at least for the two songs we'll be doing next week. that's right, NEXT WEEK. aiyah!!

and the other thing i guess that's been on my mind lately are my friends back home. i miss all of them so much and they really don't understand how much i do because i haven't sent them anything or called them much or showed them how much i miss them and worry about them a lot. i feel helpless because they go through so much and i can't be there for them. and when i am, i don't know what to say or what to do. it's hard. it hurts. they're all at different levels spiritually, too, so it's even more confusing and hard. it makes me really sad that their hurting inside and i can't do anything about it. it's hard to pray about it, too. but i guess it's a matter of trust. trust and obey. i've been really learning that a lot. and then one of them doesn't even tell me how he really feels or what he really thinks because he's so selfless that he just says whatever to make me happy or make me think that he's okay when i know for a fact that he's really not. that hurts too. that a really good friend doesn't tell you how he really feels. that makes me feel even more hurt and helpless. so confusing.

anyway, break time is over. i'm done practicing koinonia songs and shouldn't really sing much since i'm going to need my voice tomorrow and next week and my throat has started to hurt last night and today. i need to do as much as i can of my essay. i guess i won't start another section of the Evangelism Training Course tonight. i should try to get to bed. tomorrow's a busy day. a day i want to give to God.

pray. trust. obey.
the three keys to my life.