all i ate was a slice of pizza. i wasn't hungry the rest of the day. must've been one heck of a slice.

today i stayed home. i'm glad i did. in case people didn't know, i'm mostly an introverted kind of person, and though i don't like staying home because of our family issues, i like to be by myself. i like doing my own thing sometimes. it's a little frustrating sometimes because people don't get that sometimes. like, i tell people i'm staying home and they're all like, "why don't you come hang out with us" or "why aren't you going to [fill in location here] with us?" and so on. and sometimes it's just cuz i need to recharge and i like to recharge by myself. i don't like being around so many people all the time sometimes, most of the time for the other people's sake. if i'm out and about too much it drains me out and then i'll stick things out if i have to, but if i'm tired and hot i usually get really grumpy and snappy and can be mean to people when i don't mean to be. and i don't want to do that to others.

i got frustrated again tonight, when raymond called [you guys, i'm so not good at talking on the phone just to chat]. we were talking about stuff and it got around somehow to the whole thing about people here at home getting mad at me for not keeping in touch with them and stuff and not wanting to come home and etc. and i got frustrated even though things are better and good with everyone now because i feel like i want them to know and understand why i don't like coming home and why it's hard for me to talk on the phone, especially for long periods of time.

but i feel like even if i explain, they'll never really get it. and that stinks, because i want them to understand. it's just like JROTC. no one really understands why i was in it, why it was an important part of my life, or what i actually did unless you were IN the jrotc at my school. my friends and family won't ever really understand what happens at bing, what i do at bing, or why it's so important to me unless they're actually there.

but i guess i should always try to explain anyway. i can't just assume they won't get it. and it's good to just share with them about my life there.

okay okay. so i shouldn't be frustrated. i get it. but i still can't help but be frustrated at myself for not liking to talk on the phone. and for messing up for not trying to reach out to my friends at home.

anyway, on a different note, i've been working on my novel. at long last.
and i've been reading a biography on audrey hepburn. it's an interesting read. it makes me admire her more and more.
it also makes me wish i could set up a projector in my backyard and show two or three audrey hepburn movies every night during the week of my birthday. that would be AWESOME. maybe i will do that.

btw, i'm going to finally use my gmail from now on. outlook is just getting too annoying with like a bajillion responses to emails piling up in my inbox. i don't get a chance to reply because new emails fill up my inbox so quickly. plus, i keep forgetting to change it from my hotmail account to my gmail account when i reply. so annoying. sticking to gmail.

i saw indiana jones in the theaters with my family today. let's just say i wouldn't want to see it again.

and when we left the theater, it was pouring rain - almost hurricane-like! it was wonderful. i think it means more to me than just the heat wave breaking :]